"Who are you?" |Reader Insert| |Attack on Titan| |Book 1|

Devotement

HOLY SNOT 12k READS?! WTF?!?! IS THIS GOING TO SURPASS MY NARUTO TRILOGY?!?!

Edit: It did

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Everything went dead silent after that. Only the constant ringing sound in your ears. What did he say? You didn't quite catch that. You stared at him, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, and the look of pure shock on your face. It amused Levi greatly to see you like that, but now's not the time to blank out. Your vision was blurry and you felt like vomiting. Your body was on complete shut down mode. You weren't speaking, you weren't breathing, you weren't thinking. However, through all the white noise going on in your ears, you distinctly heard the the sound of a gunshot go off and a grunt. Your head finally turned to see a spray of blood fly into the air. Levi collapsed next to you, holding his shoulder. 

Rhea smirked before turning and running away. It seemed time had slowed. Or your brain made it seem like it slowed down. Every second seemed like a minute. Your brain had not yet fully processed what happened so you were just standing there. It wasn't until Levi strained out your name that you were finally snapped out of your trance. You quickly crouched near Levi and removed his hand from his shoulder. You brought out a knife the same time your eye cramped up. The blackness in your eye swirled around your skin like a snake. You slit a small portion of your wrist and let the blood drip onto Levi's shoulder. The blood steamed before closing the wound and healing whatever was damaged. You went behind him and did the same thing. You had not said a word the entire time. Levi looked at you in concern and began to wonder if saying that was the right choice.

"Y/n--"

"No... just... don't..." Those were the only words you managed to get out. Levi silenced himself to let you think things through. You were beyond confused. Levi. Captain Levi. Humanities Strongest Soldier. The stoic, short, clean freak. The man who was in charge of watching you like a hawk. Loved... you? You collapsed onto the grass, your eyes never leaving the ground. Levi stared at you in guilt. He hadn't meant for you to react this way. In fact he had no intention of saying it, it just... slipped.

"Why...?" Your small, quiet voice asked. Levi turned his head towards you. "Why... do you love me? Someone like me?" Your eyes travelled down further and Levi saw the absolute confusion in them. It made his chest tighten to see someone like you like that.

"For you," he replied simply and quickly. You made a noise of confusion and lifted your head slightly. He sighed, realizing he'd have to explain. "It's hard to explain when I don't truly understand the concept either, but everything about you fascinates me. Your voice, your hair, the way you move when you're killing a titan. Your blunt, but kind personality." A ghost of a smile danced on his lips. You stared at him in slight shock.

"You have your scars to remind you of your past, but I'm going to fill your head with good memories. Ones that override all the bad." Levi turned and cupped your cheeks in his hands, looking at you with the most determined expression you've ever seen. You closed your eyes moved you face away from his hands.

"No, you can't," you said, reopening your eyes and looking at him with firm eyes.

"What? Why?"
Your mouth opened and closed a few times.

"Because..." You stopped and sighed, placing your hand on your head. "Because some people can be helped and others can't."

"What? Don't say that. You're not okay now, but you will be. You just have to trust me."

"And what if I'm not?" You asked sharply, glaring at him. You lowered your hand from your head. "What if I never turn out okay? What if I never turn out alright? What if I accidentally hurt you or kill you when you touch me? What if I do that to anyone? What will happen then?"
Levi stayed silent for a moment. You had a good point. In some cases, it doesn't matter how much you try. Some people will never be okay from whatever they've gone through. He knows you're on the brink of that. He needs to choose his next words carefully or he'll never be able to help you.

"There's no point in me saying it'll be okay if you hurt me. That will only make it worse, I get it... but you never know unless you take risks," Levi replied slowly and carefully.

"Taking risks? At what cost? Your life or someone else's?" You asked again. It was only then Levi realized you didn't trust yourself. You trusted Levi and you trusted everyone else. They weren't the problem. You didn't trust yourself because you're afraid that something will trigger your memories and you'll injure someone or kill them. You've killed people before, that's not the problem. You were aware and you knew what you were doing. You knew who you were targeting you knew what kind of people they were. You knew because... well... you weren't any better.

"Y/n... you... don't trust yourself, do you?" Levi asked carefully, watching your expression turn to one of slight shock before going back to normal.

"No, I don't."
Levi stared at you for a while, wanting some sign that you were lying or joking. But he spotted nothing but truth. He crawled closer to you and once again cupped your cheeks gently.

"Y/n... I want to help you. I want to help you get better... but I can't if you don't let me."
You looked at Levi, conflicted, and it showed in your eyes. If you let Levi help you, you have a chance of returning back to normal... the downside is you're at a risk of accidentally hurting him or someone else. On the other side, if you refuse his help, you'll keep him and the others safe, but at the cost of your own mental health. So many emotions were going through your body at that moment you almost couldn't handle it. You've never felt so many feelings at once it almost made you sick. You felt weak and vulnerable. Shameful and empty. Well, the truth is, you've always felt like that. The only reason why you never showed it was because no one was there to willingly help you get through your loneliness. You had to deal with it yourself. Now that someone is willingly to care for you, your brain is going into overdrive. You can't tell from happiness or anxiety. 

Ja ne!

   {Ruby Red}