Sharing Corrie

Chapter Twenty Eight

 That night after Edwin had returned to his hotel, the guests had departed, and her family was sound asleep, Corrie opened the journal she had bought in Richmond with Dr. Benjamin and lifted her fountain pen, frantically searching the journal for a free page.

All was beyond her control except her very own heart, a heart that was as rebellious as she had always thought it loyal. Her own future was now in the hands of a man she cared about but doubted, and her heart remained susceptible to the persuasions of another. How had it come to this? How had her carefully mapped future been distorted beyond her control? But it hadn't, she realized. This what she had always expected if not anticipated: marrying Edwin, living in New York City, and completing her college degree. What had turned the future that had once held great allure so lackluster?

Corrie's pen hovered over the page, but rather than words, tears threatened. Her eyes rested on the page before her, and she noticed a few lines scrawled in one corner--not her own words, but those of the beloved Emily Dickinson.

To lose thee, sweeter than to gain

All other hearts I knew.

Corrie's grief was released in silent tears that fell onto the thick paper and soiled it so the inked words smeared beyond recognition. Perhaps these tears did not mourn the future she no longer wanted or even the future she had reimagined upon her return to Irvington; perhaps these tears mourned the loss of the one person she had never truly possessed but still felt as if she had lost.

With a great sigh, Corrie hurled the journal across the room. What use were regrets when they were beyond rectification? What use was mourning if nothing could be changed?

Corrie laid back on her bed, leaning sideways so she could gaze out her bedroom window to the stars dancing across the obsidian sky. Tonight, she would allow herself to mourn and imagine what could have been in another lifetime. Tomorrow, she would face her future without a thought of what she left behind.

~~~~~

Guest after guest passed before Corrie's eyes, but the one she truly awaited had not yet appeared. The buzzing chatter behind her as the guests settled at the tables her mother had decadently arranged heightened Corrie's anxiety; perhaps neither Dr. Benjamin nor Edwin would be much bothered by meeting the other, but the thought terrified her.

"Cornelia, are you alright?" Edwin asked, squeezing her hand where it was tucked inside his arm.

Corrie summoned a smile and straightened her spine. "Yes, of course. I'm just nervous. There are so many people here."

And there were; her parents and Edwin had invited nearly half the town to the supposedly exclusive party. Of all the guests, however, Corrie had yet to see anyone with whom she truly wished to celebrate if she were to celebrate at all.

Almost as if on cue, Hannah announced their arrival. "Corrie!"

Hannah embraced her quickly and offered Edwin a quick curtsy. Behind her, Christina leaned heavily on Aunt Jack, limping towards them. Her face was pale but she offered a strained smile. Christina took Corrie's trembling hand in her own, and for the first time, Corrie felt Christina's strength channeled into her. She had always seen her baby sister as weaker, but the younger girl's inner mettle emerged each day she battled her illness, melancholy, and fear.

Christina's eyes glowed with meaning, and Corrie almost felt as if she would collapse under it. In that look, Corrie saw that she knew. Without Corrie saying anything, Christina had surmised everything in Corrie's heart. For a moment, Christina's sympathy nearly broke her.

"Welcome," she finally murmured in a voice near cracking.

"And this must be the infamous Dr. Benjamin," Edwin blazoned, his voice too loud.