Oh My...

51.) Cali

I was thankful Claire was passed out by the time we came home. The living room was motionless except for the TV playing on mute. Down the hall, I could hear Claire's snores.

I plopped down on the couch and unmuted whatever show was playing. Bree still stood next to the front door, looking blankly at nothing.

"You should probably get to bed." I muttered, rubbing my face with my hands despite the makeup I was wearing. I didn't care--it probably got messed anyway from the punch and my dramatic scene with Bree. "Long night."

"What about you?" She whispered. Under the dull lights in my house, it was evident that she was still holding back tears.

I puffed out a sigh and returned my gaze to the TV screen. "I'm gonna stay up a bit longer." I replied simply. "Not tired yet."

Bree swiped her hand under her eyes. "I'm sorry about-"

I cut her off by shaking my head. "Don't even worry about it. We all have our moments."

I could feel her stare, but I tried to ignore it as I watched the TV with a bored expression.

"I'm serious," I said, my tone a bit more strict. "Go to bed."

Bree didn't say anything as she crept passed me and went to our shared bedroom. When I heard the door close, I released a breath I didn't even realize I was holding in.

I felt bad for being mean to her, and I know that she wasn't trying to get under my skin, but after having her live here for a few days I couldn't help but feel that we were complete opposites. I do something, she gets pissed off. She does something, I get pissed off. Even though the fact disgusted me, I couldn't help but think that it was easier without her in my life.

I was angry at myself for feeling this way. I swore that I was going to dedicate myself to my family, so why am I like this? Why is hanging out with Bree hard?

I tried to focus on the TV, but I still couldn't tune out my upset thoughts. I needed to talk to someone, sitting here was doing nothing was making everything worse.

And at that moment, I realized I already smoked the last of my weed.

I hesitated before rushing out of my seat. Even if she wasn't home, it wouldn't hurt to call. I unhooked the phone and dialed Lindsay's number, waiting anxiously as I listened to each slow ring.

Just as I was giving up, someone answered. "Hello?" I heard Lindsay yawn.

I frowned--what time was it? To me, it only felt like eight. "Oh fuck, did I wake you up?"

"Kinda, but I needed to get up. What's up? Whatcha need?"

I paused, sheepishly twisting my finger around the cord. "Do you actually wanna chill? Like, if you're not busy..."

There was a brief moment of silent. "Um," she sounded surprised. "Yeah, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just in the mood to see someone."

"Alright. Come over."

* * *

Lindsay was rolling a blunt as I poured Hennessy into two glass scotch glasses. We were sitting in her backyard at a little table; huddling together with at least a dozen blankets draped over our shoulders, trying to fight against the cold wind. It was no match, of course, but that why we had the drink.

"What's wrong?" She finally asked after a long period of neither of us speaking.

I took a short sip. "I'm confused."

Lindsay's face twisted in puzzlement. "Like, about your sexuality? Look, if you're a lesbian, that's all cool-"

"No!" I exclaimed. "I want to be closer to my family, but the more I'm around them the more I don't like them. I feel so guilty about it-"

"Why are you forcing yourself?" Lindsay mumbled, reaching over the wooden table to grab a lighter. "If you don't like them, then you don't like them. There's no point hurting yourself to please them." Lindsay sparked the blunt.

"They're all I have." I muttered morosely, taking a swig and fighting back a cringe as the burning liquid washed down my throat.

Lindsay frowned. "You have me..."

"You know what I mean," I replied. "I can't just...no..."

"Alex, do you want my honest opinion?"

I nodded. Lindsay took a drag of the blunt before saying, "I think you should get outta here."

"I did, and I realized that-"

"I don't mean go back to Brooklyn. I mean get the fuck out. Go somewhere completely new."

"With what money?" I groaned.

Lindsay was quiet for a few minutes. "Look, my sister lives in Cali and offered me to come down, she has a job for me there that'll pay good money. I was thinking about it."

We locked eyes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Carter doesn't wanna go," she continued, "and that's cool. But I don't wanna go alone. If you came..." she trailed off.

"Lindsay, I don't know what to say-"

"Just think about it-"

"Yes." I stated. "I wanna go." Tears filled my eyes. "I wanna get the hell out." This may be my last opportunity to make a real change; I know I'll regret it forever if I don't take it.

Lindsay stared at me, fighting back a smile. "Alright." She passed the blunt.