Fists and Knives (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 20

It was later in the afternoon that same day.  Maria was actually gone.  This wasn't some kind of trick to see how we would react... this was real.  I was sitting on the couch and staring at the front door.  Arnold was late for his usual afternoon visit, which I couldn’t tell was a good thing or a bad thing just yet.  Either way, my stomach was in knots.

My eyes would occasionally flicker to the hallway where Louis’ room was and then up to the balcony.  I couldn’t hear either Harry or Louis doing anything in their rooms and neither one had come out to get anything to eat or even just talk it out.  I forced myself off of the couch and walked to the gym where the mirror to Harry’s room was already open.  Not wanting to startle him or make it seem like I was sneaking up to spy on him, I stomped my feet on the stairs a little bit and knocked on the wall before I could see into his room. “Bear?”

“What?” He growled.  Taking that as an okay to enter, I walked into the room and sat beside Harry on the bed.  His long body was sprawled out on his stomach with his face in the pillow, his usual outfit of jersey shorts around his waist.  I started to drag my nails along the skin on his back gently until he shifted his head and looked at me.

“I just wanted Maria to leave.  It shouldn't have been this hard.  This is so much more of a mess than I thought it would be,” he said quietly, his voice deep and raspy. 

I laid my head down on the pillow beside him. “It’ll all be okay.”

“This is all my fault.  I should have gotten Maria to stay.  I should have thought about you and Louis before I was a dick to her.”

I shrugged. “It's okay, Bear.  Well what’s done is done.  You can’t help it anymore.”

I smiled softly at Harry, but his brow furrowed.  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

I struggled to find words to say. “Well... yes? I didn’t mean it in a bad way…”

“Well this is bad, K.  Can’t you see that?” Harry snapped, swinging his feet over the edge of the mattress and turning his back to me as he sat up.  He put his head in his hands and pulled at his hair.

I gritted my teeth but took a deep breath and scooted over to kiss Harry’s back and try to calm him down.  He stood up quickly from the bed and paced across the room.

“Harry, what the hell?”

“I’m trying to think about how to fix this and you keep kissing me and touching me-“ he yelled.

“I’m trying to be here for you and help you calm down.  I kissed you and am rubbing your back because I love y- I lov…” I choked on the words as they came out of my mouth.  I frowned and felt my own jaw drop as I realized what I was about to say.  Harry widened his eyes at me before shaking his head and pacing back and forth again.

“All of that touchy-feely shit is not doing anything but distracting me and pissing me off.”

I laughed sarcastically.  “Obviously.”

Harry sent a piercing look my way.

I scowled.  Was this really happening?  “Well Christ, Harry.  Sorry for trying to help.”

Harry glared at me.  “Help?  How the fuck does that help?”

Each time he raised his voice, I raised mine.  I couldn’t help it.  It was hard to keep my cool when I was arguing with someone who could be as volatile, if not worse, than I was.  “It’s something couples do!  It’s something that I thought might help you calm down and think a little more clearly!”