IF YOU'RE LUCKY (COMPLETE)

16. Confessions

BENJI POV

I woke up to the hot sun blaring down on my face. I carefully open my eyes to see my curtains wide open. I blink away the sleep from my eyes and can't help but smile at the window. I remember when V first came over and she saw the large window in my kitchen.

...this is the first time I've ever looked down at them. Usually, I'm the one looking up at one of these buildings... I used to imagine how powerful and amazing I'd feel... But being up here now, I don't feel any different...

And just like that, my smile fades and all the events from last night come flooding back.

But this? This is the first time I've worked and ended up coming back to the bottom, over and over. I just need to rest.

And then it hits me.

I had fit into her life so easily, I assumed it'd be just as easy for her to fit into mine. But it wasn't. Of course it wasn't, how could it be? My life wasn't even easy for me to live in. I had been selfish to ask her to work for me. She'd worked hard her entire life and I was asking her to keep going, for me. The least thing I could've done was make loving me easy for her, but I'd overworked her tired heart and for that I was heartbroken and endlessly sorry.

I reach my arm out, wanting to hold her but all I feel is the cool absence of her on my bedsheets.

***

VICTORIA POV

"Just let it go, Faye", I try to assure her as I shuffle through my drawers. I had dress rehearsal in an hour and I ran back home to quickly grab my stuff. Faye must've noticed I was in some type of mood and won't leave me be.

"Vicky, I know when something's bothering you", she pushes, watching me as she leans against the door frame. "And I know how to get it out of you, so lets just make it easy for the both of us and tell me what's wrong". She crosses her arms, her face stern.

I roll my eyes in annoyance. "Faye, I'm gonna be late for work. I don't have time to discuss my love life. Everything's fine". I continue trying to gather my stuff, Faye breaking my concentration.

Everything was not fine. Hell, it was far from it. Rehearsal was the only thing that was going to get my mind off the wild thoughts running rampant in my mind, but Faye was pushing me and I was losing patience.

I knew she was just trying to help like she always did, but this wasn't a typical lover's quarrel I was dealing with. It was a crazy cluster of loving someone who led a completely different life, his father who didn't approve of us together, and my resistance to being a part of it all.

I loved Benji and I wanted to make him happy. He had fit into my life so easily, I wanted to be that for him too. But the harder I tried, his world would just swallow me up and spit me back out. His world didn't want me and the more it rejected me, the more I realized I didn't want it either. I was so consumed with our blossoming love and inserting myself into his life, that I'd forgotten I never truly wanted it in the first place. Benji was a package deal, his love was bound to the wealth and everything that came with it. I was confused on how any of this was going to work, how we were going to work. I was too confused and too rushed right now to discuss anything with Faye, but she wasn't letting up.

"C'mon", she continues. "Why are you being like this? You're not acting—"

"Shut the fuck up, Faye!", I growl, spinning around to face her. Her eyes widen in shock as she takes a step back from the doorway. "Just because you don't want it focus on your own train wreck of a love life doesn't mean you can butt into mine!" I instantly regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth. "Faye, wait—", I sigh. "I didn't mean—"