Serpentina's Story

Air Raid and Artillery

Serpentina patiently waited while I slit open the two sides of a plastic bag, knelt to spread it out on the shed's floor and then lined it with newspaper. I came up with this method after watching a woman in WalMart changing a diaper, but it turned out my short-lived stroke-of-genius idea to make a quick fortune was already old news, merely a homemade copy of a puppy-pad.

"When you're finished here just leave it..." indicating all was ready for her, "I'll move it to the garden after I get back."

Lifting herself erect, she prodded, "Where are you going now?"

"Into town." and then I stood.

"Hmph..." sulking, "you're just running away."

"I'm not running away."

"Yes you are."

"I've got something to do..." and then pointing at the waiting pad, "and so do you."

Tina sunk to the floor, slithered onto the pad while being careful not to bunch it and then made her thoughts known, "You're avoiding my questions."

"There's nothing to avoid because there's nothing more for you to question." not wishing to discuss my past.

"Crazy old geezer." she laughed and then out came her busy tongue.

"If you really must know... I'm going now to get you that computer."

"Okay.... I'll accept your bribe..." she sighed with ennui, but then added, "if you make it a laptop."

Doing a double-take because of her audacity, I remarked, "You're scary."

"Well I don't come cheap." and then a puddle started forming behind her tail quickly followed by the large part.

Tina was willing to learn and adapt to just about anything I asked of her inside our home, but the word inhibited didn't seem to exist in any form within her persona.

She slid off the pad, glanced backward and laughed, "Like that answer?"

Ignoring her silliness and absence of refinement, I instructed, "While I'm gone, figure out where you want me to put it."

"My room..." and after a quick glance backward, clarified, "unless you mean that lake and island back there."

"The laptop of course." I smiled; she possessed a sense of humour, but her own brand though.

Becoming my backseat driver, she cautioned, "Watch out for the other drivers."

"I haven't left yet."

"I know... but I won't be on your shoulders to remind you."

"And I won't have anyone distracting me."

"Crazy old geezer." she pouted.

"Are you worried about me now?"

"No..." she teased, "I want my new laptop."

"You had me scared there for a minute." I bantered.

Abruptly she zigzagged over to me and tugged on my pant leg.

"What now?" looking down at her earnestly staring up at me.

"Can I go with you?"

My gut-feeling was to refuse Serpentina's simple request but I didn't; the imploring expression on her face when she asked had melted my heart. That day she truly became my bona fide backseat driver into town.

While out in public, keeping her concealed beneath the very loose fitting clothing I wore worked like a charm, except I found wearing a long-sleeved flannel shirt in summer rather uncomfortable. Unlike trying to sneak a dumb pet around in this manner, Tina understood exactly what was required of her and when to close her mouth, keep still and stay hidden. All the more helpful, WalMart was surprisingly quiet first thing in the morning and my stowaway was able to offer her muted input into selecting her new laptop.