finding her voice

(11) So, that happened

It's finally friday night. I've been waiting so long for school to be over, to scared that Carter would say anything to anybody about me and what he saw yesterday. He didn't. At least not yet. It's scary because it's not something you usually see everyday. I don't even know why he acted the way he did when he saw Dianna doing what she did to me. Did he care? What am I saying, of course he cared. You don't do that if you don't care. But, just because he might've cared in that one moment about me, doesn't necessarily mean he won't tell people about what happened. I mean, I guess I just need some sort of closure; like some sort of an agreement with the devil, that he won't tell anyone about what he saw. That means I actually have to talk to him and make sure he won't say anything. I can't get hidden away lost in my words; writing about what I feel and just getting lost in the moment.

Yeah, I like to write. I poor my emotions into a piece of paper. Whether it's a song, a book, a poem or a note to somebody I'll never send it to. Whatever type of format it is, it doesn't matter, as long as I can write what I can't speak. Or what I wish to feel. I poor all that, all those words and whirl of endless imagination coming out strongest in the form of words. But, today, I actually have to tell someone how I feel about them, instead of just writing it Down. I would do it more often, but I'm not good at confrontation.

But, anyway, it shouldn't be to hard to talk to him, sense it is the start of the weekend and my brother and Carter should be home in a little while from Kevin's practice and Carter's watching of Kevin's practice. If only he could actually play the sport. Oh, well. Maybe, he can. He just doesn't. He's more into pranks. But, don't get me started on how many pranks he's done because otherwise, we'll be here for awhile. Thank god I haven't been victim to his pranks yet. And I say the word 'yet' very loosely, because I know with my luck he might just start pranking me. Ew! I can't help but give a little shudder at the thought!

A little while later of waiting for Carter and Kevin to get home, I became very anxious and impatient. I ended up staring at the clock, watching the seconds turn to minutes. It went by all so slowly. And I felt like he wasn't going to come. I know it was only nine fifteen but, what can I say? I'm really anxious, like I said before, because I'm terrible with confrontation. Especially with someone I dislike as much as Carter. I mean, I call him the devil for god sakes. How much more can you dislike a person, for god sakes? But all of a sudden, Carter saw these girls walk all over me and he came to my defense. I don't even know how the hell he knew something was up. But he knew something was going in the bathroom and he got me out of the situation. I mean, I feel really grateful to him that he did that for me, but at the same time I wish as soon as he found it was me, he would just go and leave Dianna to do what she would with me. Because, now, he might have made things worse for me. Dianna can't possibly leave me alone. Why would she? Just because of a threat? It can't possibly be that easy, can it?

Nine fifteen suddenly turns into ten, which turns into eleven. Which turns into twelve. Twelve O'one. Twelve O'two. Twelve fifteen, twelve thirty. And then I suddenly hear a noise.

A ringing noise.

When I realize it's the bell, I all but sprint to get to the door. Climbing down the stairs, two at a time. I became more anxious than I have ever been to see Carter. But not because he's Carter. It's because of what I'm gonna talk to him about and that I actually have to talk to him.

I want to make him a deal. The deal I want to offer him is that if he doesn't tell anybody about what he saw yesterday, then I'll consider the idea of not breaking his nose. Just maybe. But that's only if he doesn't tell a single, breathing, living soul.

I take a deep breath and I get the door, only to find Kevin standing, no Carter in sight. What if he's not even here this time? What if he actually has a life and had to do stuff for his friends or parents, or... a girl. Ew. Disgusting. Him? With a girl? Moving on. "Where's Carter?" I asked him, feeling extremely anxious for his answer, which is weird because it's Carter. Just because I suddenly need to talk to him, doesn't mean he would start having a life outside my house, would he?