finding her voice

Who I Am

Now, in case you're wondering who I am exactly, my name is Lila, (which you probably already figured out due to my brief episode just a few minutes ago). I am a junior in highschool who just turned seventeen. (Being seventeen isn't all the hype movies and books make you believe. All it is is a number. What you choose to do with that number is completely up to you, but it's not the age that makes you feel differently about yourself, it's you).

I have light brown hair, kinda like the fattening milk chocolate that people eat. Despite the way I describe chocolate, I love it! I love carbs and I just do not get the skinny girls at my school who look like they have never consumed a carb in there whole life. (Okay, I may be exaggerating a tad bit). But all thoughts aside from that, I also happen to have almond shaped lime green eyes. Maybe they're not as bright as a lime, but almost. I have fair skin, arched eyebrows, a thin nose, curvy figure, and just the right size chin for my small face. I also have perfect plump and pink lips. (Perfect for kissing, but don't get any ideas).

Now, I am a good girl. Or maybe, I was a good girl. I never broke the rules. I never did anything bad, like for example drugs or liquor. I was always quiet. I never really had any good friends. Like the ones I could really depend on and didn't annoy me to no end. Yeah, I have cool friends. (Depending on what you think is cool).

My friends include Gwen, Dianna, Fefe, (who names their daughter Fefe? Isn't that a dogs name? Come here Fefe. Who knows), Vick who is (actually) a girl and Tila.

Gwen is really beautiful. She sickens me to no end because all she talks about is her beauty. It's almost like she has something to prove, but then again, maybe she does have something to prove. I wouldn't know because I try to avoid her until I eventually can't.

Dianna has dark skin and was born in Hartford. She's getting over a lot of stuff that I'd preferably like to leave unmentioned. I'd like to keep this conversation at least pg-13. But anyway, she's not the nicest person in the world.  I guess that might be because she doesn't really have the knowledge to be nice. My mom says only those who get love can give it. I guess nobody gave her love, because she sure isn't giving anyone any.

Unless you count hitting a nerd with a rock she had found outside the school building, love. My friends call it 'expressing yourself'. I call it abuse. I remember that day just like it was yesterday. Anyways, of course, I had made sure he was okay like any decent, normal human being would. I called the nurse and had stayed with him every step of the way, no matter how much my friends would tease me about it. They advised me not to stay with him, but I knew the guy needed me and I was going to be there for him. Nobody was going to stop me from that, not even my 'friends'. The sad part was, I didn't even know that guy's name. Not a single one of my friends had known that guy's name, not even Dianna and she's the one who had thrown the rock. We just knew that he was a nerd because we had found him outside the school parking lot where he just happened to be reading a book with his glasses after school. But, guess what? When he goes to Yale, my friends will be washing his car. (Yes, I just recited a line from 'The All American Rejects'. I know, I'm amazingly awesome, like that)!

But, back to the boy, I never saw him again after that day. I think his parents had taken him out of this school, which I do not blame them for doing after that incident. I'm sure many parents would have done the same thing if a similar incident had occurred to their child and they had the means to take the child out of the school into a better school. My friends (excluding Dianna) all had suspension for two solid weeks for being bystanders. Dianna had gotten expelled for a year and when she was back, she had detention every day after school for half a year and that went on for two hours straight. Once, she decided not to go and she got a suspension for a day. Her mom beat her to a bloody pulp because she was sick of seeing Dianna getting in trouble, which made Dianna out for awhile because she was in the hospital. The hospital asked her mother what happened and she had said that a gang had beaten Dianna when Dianna was walking across the street alone to get some milk from the supermarket.