finding her voice

(13) Breakfast and going out

"Hey. Hey. Hey." Something annoying keeps poking me, while repeating the word 'hey' a gazillion, trillion times. I decide to ignore it, sense I need my beauty sleep. "I will not hesitate to pour a bucket of water on top of your head if you don't wake up right now! Unless your asleep in which case sucks for you, cause you are about to get splashed."

"Don't. You. Dare!" I say, not looking at the devil. "Ugg, tell me again why I let you kiss me?" I asked in aggravation. I fully open my eyes and get up to look at my clock. "Seven in the morning?! On a Saturday?! Oh you have got to be kidding me! What in the world of Mary do you want?!"

"World of Mary?" He asked amused. I shoot him a look that says 'don't you dare test my patience when your already are on thin ice' and he rolls his eyes at me. "Your no fun!" He pouts. "And about the kissing thing, I was the one finding you," He puts to fingers in the air, motioning what you do when you need to find relief. 'You know whatting' at the thought of me kissing you." He says, with that smug look on his face. I roll my eyes.

I feel my cheeks go red. I took a deep breath to control myself. "I can't help it if your hot, now can I?" I said, sitting up just enough to stroke his chest. He automatically grows stiff from my touch. I smirk. I finally got to him. I have a mini victory dance in my head.

"If I'm hot, then your super model worthy sexy." He says, leaning in closer to me. He growls a little to further his point and I laugh. "How are you still so sexy? Even when your hair looks like it does," He says, and my hands immediately fly up to my head, self conscious. He laughs and takes my hand in his and kisses it. "You still manage to make my heart flutter at the sight of you." He continues. "Your so sexy." I lick my lips.

"How do you do that?" I ask, shocked.

"Do what?" He asks.

"Make me want you?" I ask, breathing heavily.

He smirks. "It's a gift." He says, pecking me on the lips. Then he waits a good three seconds, making me even more breathless.  Then he gets up from my bed. He slowly pulls the covers from my body. And I'm instantly cold without them.

"Get up. I want to have breakfast with you and your family, imagining what I would do to you if we were alone." He says, looking at me up and down. I suck in a breath.

"We're alone now." I say sheepishly, getting out of bed.

He gives me a soft smile. He advances closer to me, with a deep hunger in his eyes. "There's to much of an audience for what I want to do to you." He says, cupping my cheek, giving me slow passionate kiss, leaving me breathless. He smiles at down at me. "See you downstairs." He says, as he goes out of my room, shutting the door on his way out.

I stay there, frozen in my spot. I'm to shocked to move. He's so smooth with his lines. His hold on me is so powerful, too powerful. I've got to tread waters very carefully here, if I want to remain pure enough to wear white at my wedding, knowing that I deserve to wear white. I don't want to have sex before then, and if I don't want to have before then, I have to make sure that doesn't happen. We can't have a repeat of what happened last times. If does, I will never forgive myself, because if it does, I don't think I'll be strong enough to tell him 'no'.

I go into the bathroom and am horrified by the girl I see in front of me. She has hairs sticking up from every which way on her hair. Yet, Carter said I was sexy. He didn't laugh at the sight of me or look disgusted one bit. He even kissed me. He was tempted to do things with me, even if I looked like the Beast in Beauty And the Beast, before he turns into a handsome prince. A giddy smile appears on my face as I brush my rats nest out of my hair.

After I finish up my routine, I then look through my closet deciding what to possibly wear. I wanted to wear something that made Carter know that I was off limits. I'm not saying that I would never ever have sex in life. I just am saying, I want to wait till I'm married. I would love my first time to be with Carter, but if it wasn't then that meant that we weren't meant to be. If we weren't meant to be I would feel like a complete, utter slut for giving him all of me. Then it doesn't work out? God, I could never face him after that. But, for some reason I knew we would end up together. I just did. I settled on a white plain T-shirt, so he knows I intend to stay pure and so it's plain enough to make him not want me. If he flirts with me anymore than he already has, I'll be in big trouble. Then, I wear blue jeans with my black worn out sneakers. I look at myself in the mirror. Then, I turn around and crane my head to the back, trying to get an image of my butt through my jeans. Okay, there perfect. You can't tell the shape of my butt at all in these jeans. Good, that should make stay away from me. I smile at myself in the mirror. "Good work." I say to myself, in a approval.

I go downstairs for breakfast. I see Carter instantly in the kitchen. He's talking to my brother, while eating cereal while Kevin eats toast with jam. My mom eats cereal as well, while dad reads the paper. Angus is in the living room playing fortnite on his tablet I presume. I roll my eyes. He truly is addicted to that game. The only thing that gets him off that thing is his 'boy' friend or mom when she threatens to take away his fortnite privileges if he doesn't do what she asked him to do.

I step in the kitchen and I see Carter's eyes dart right to mine. He gives me a wide smile, his face lighting up. He doesn't even seem the least bit disappointed by my apparel. What if I showed up in a garbage bag? Would he care then? God, it seemed like nothing I could do phased this boy. He still seemed to like me. Should that be a good thing? It sure scared me a lot.

He glances back at Kevin, only to see him glaring back at Carter. "What?" Carter asked, defensively.

"Stop looking like your about to devour my sister alive!" Kevin says, furiously. I feel my cheeks burn and I look away.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Carter asked my brother, getting up. Woah, didn't expect him to say that.

"Boys!" I look at mom and see her giving both boys a qarning look. "Carter if you fancy Lila then picking on her isn't the way to exactly win her heart." My mom smirks at me. My eyes go wide. Then, she looks at Kevin, "And, you young boy." She points an accusing finger at her son "It should be no concern at all who your sister dates. As long as she has," she pauses dropping her finger, looking at me as she says this, "Consults her father and I she'll be fine." I nod, catching her drift. Then she continues eating her cereal, in quiet.

I grab some milk from the fridge and a bowl from the cabinet. I sit down and pour a bag of cereal in my bowl, along with the milk. The rest of breakfast is completely silent. Nobody says a word. Then Carter smiles at me. "Wanna go to the mall with me and Kevin? He's going job hunting." Carter asks me with hopeful eyes.

I shrug, trying to pretend like I'm not excited at all that he asked me. "Why not? I got nothing better to do."

"Yes, except your grounded." Dad says, finally looking up from his newspaper. I look at mom, silently pleading for her to let me go this once.

"Well," Mom starts, "I suppose if she took on extra choirs in the house and did nothing but her studies next week, it wouldn't hurt to let her get some fresh air for a couple hours." My mom shrugged, caving to my request. I grin at her. I look at my dad with hopeful eyes and a pouty lip.

He rolls his eyes. "Well, I suppose you can go." He says, giving in. I grin at him. I think to myself, YES, YES, YES!

Once we finish breakfast, I grab my coat, same as the boys and go outside. I fangirl in my head, but as we get into the truck, I try to act nonchalant, like I couldn't care less about coming with them. Of course that's far from the truth. I get in the backseat as Carter is in the passenger seat, with Kevin in the driver's seat.