Best Friends Forever

9

Tw: Suicide and depression

Most days, the group chat my friends and I had would never stay silent. Every second, my phone would buzz with new notifications as we all talked through every moment of every day. Today, there was an eery silence from my phone in the wake of the big fight that had happened yesterday. No one had talked for the remainder of Saturday, and now it was Sunday night and still no white flags had been drawn. I was worried.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed all thoughts of my dysfunctional friends to the side and scrolled through Netflix, looking for the perfect show. My family had a tradition that every year I could pick a show, and we could watch through it together. My parents were making popcorn downstairs to get ready for the first episode of my chosen show, and I still hadn't decided.

After a bit more scrolling, I landed on a show that seemed promising. It was a uber-popular show, something I couldn't believe I hadn't watched already. I went downstairs to find my parents sitting on the couch, my mom shovelling handful after handful of popcorn in her face at a speed that seemed almost dangerous.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She looked up at me, then pointed at her overflowing mouth to indicate that she couldn't respond. My dad rolled his eyes and spoke in her place. "I bet her she couldn't finish the whole bowl of popcorn in two minutes and alas, she has proven me wrong."

"I can't believe you doubted me, Toby," my mom said after she'd swallowed every last kernel from the bowl. "You have such low expectations of me."

"Oh my god, Mom," I laughed. "You're crazy."

"Like mother, like daughter," she said, smiling.

"And nothing like father," my dad added.

"At least we're not robots," my mom joked.

As my parents continued on with their banter, I pulled up the show so we could start watching. When it started my parents quieted down.

"What show is this, Robot?" my dad asked.

"Thirteen Reasons Why."

"Oh, that sounds cool," my mom said. "What's it about?"

"It's about the aftermath of this girl's suicide. It's really famous."

I was met with a weird silence, so I glanced back at my parents. My mom had blanched completely, her face as white as a sheet. Her eyes seemed a thousand miles away, and my dad was rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused at the reaction I'd gotten.

"N-n-nothing," my mom stuttered. "It's... it's nothing. Um, I'm actually feeling kind of unwell, I might go to sleep a little early today."

"What?" I asked. "You were fine a minute ago."

"It must be all the popcorn," she said, a clear lie. I'd seen my mom eat a lot more than a bowl of popcorn and be fine.

"We can change the show if you don't want it, Mom."

"No, no. It's okay. You two enjoy it. I'll just go upstairs and go to sleep. I'm really tired."

"Talia," my dad said, his voice annoyed. "Come on. We're going to change the show."

My mom looked at him with so much guilt, I knew I was missing something. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice quivering, then she turned and walked to her room.

My dad and I sat there for a few minutes, pretending we couldn't here my mom's sniffles as she walked to her room. It was very awkward, but more than that, I was confused and a little freaked out.

"So are you going to tell me what just happened?" I asked.

"I didn't know this was still going on," my dad said, more to himself than to me. "She's been fine for so long."

"What do you mean? Dad, seriously. What happened, I'm confused. Why did she freak out?"

"It's nothing, Robot."

"That was clearly not nothing."

"You'll have to ask your mom. Unfortunately, this isn't something I can talk to you about."

"Why not?"

"It's just not my story to tell. Talk to your mom. But not tonight, okay? Just give her a little time."

"Are you going to go comfort her?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, I don't think she likes my comfort for this."

"Dad, come on. Just tell me what it is, you're making it so confusing."

"Your mother would never forgive me if I told you, Robot. Besides, it has nothing to do with either of us. Sometimes she just gets a little... sad."

That much was very true. I'd seen the weirdest things set her off into full-on breakdowns. I thought about what I'd said today that had gotten this reaction. Everything was fine until I'd mentioned Hannah's suicide in the show. Could my mom be depressed? Was she suicidal?

My heart quickened at the thought, guilt suddenly coursing through my body. If that was it, had I been contributing to it my whole life? I definitely could've been nicer to my mom over the years, was it my fault?

I wanted to ask my dad. I wanted answers, I wanted to rid myself of the guilt I felt if I'd guessed right. But I couldn't. He wouldn't tell me and I knew it.

So, instead, I asked, "Is she going to be okay?"

"Of course she's going to be okay," he said. "She always is."