Best Friends Forever

22

Lucas had always been an anxious boy. Growing up, he'd always been just a little on edge. It was like a constant worry surrounded his life, and I had never been able to understand it. He had it all, what was there to constantly be stressed about?

I didn't know it was a serious problem until one day him, Jason, Addy, and I were at the mall shopping when we were younger. Our parents had accompanied us, of course, but they had let us wander around the mall as young ten year olds alone, an honor the four of us were very excited about. The one rule was that we would stick together, and we always did that anyway.

We managed to stay together until thirty minutes before we were meant to meet our parents back in the food court. One second we were laughing in a store and the next we realized Addy was missing.

We all got scared, both for her safety and for the possibility of repercussion from our parents. Worriedly, we circled the store but found no Addy in sight.

It was then that I heard a gasp for air, so desparate in its need for oxygen it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Turning around, it was Lucas, hunched against a wall, his entire body trembling. Beads of sweat were forming at his temple and he was gasping for air like he couldn't breathe.

Jason and I ran to his side, worried and confused. We didn't know what was happening and we didn't know how to stop it. We were powerless as we stood there, trying to comfort him.

Minutes later, Addy appeared again.

"Sorry, guys, I was just in the washro- Lucas? What's wrong?" she asked, her eyes widening with fear at the sight of her twin brother.

"Is it happening again?" she asked, and he gave a small nod, still struggling to breathe. Softly, she wrapped his arms around him and held him there for what felt like hours. Eventually he calmed down and his breathing got back to normal, but by then I was crying in fear at what was happening.

We eventually got back to our parents who took one look at us and knew something was wrong.

"It happened again," was the only thing Addy said to Aunt Jasmine, who nodded worriedly.

We would discover later that what happened was called a panic attack, and that they happened to Lucas because he had an anxiety disorder. I cried when he told me because I didn't fully understand what any of that meant and I was scared for him.

Ironically, Lucas comforted me about it. He said having anxiety was very common and easily dealt with. He said he was fine and that I shouldn't have to worry about him. He said he was seeing someone who was teaching him how to deal with it. He said he would be cured in no time.

That was the only time Lucas had ever lied to me. Now, seven years later, and he was not cured. In fact, it got worse.

I didn't know just how serious it was until one day, I was at his house. We were sitting there together, just chilling on his bed, blasting music and experiencing it together. That was something we'd been doing since forever, a true tradition.

During one of the songs, he checked his watch discreetly, then reached over to his nightstand and opened a small pill bottle, taking one out and swallowing it with some water. His back was to me so I knew he was hoping I wouldn't see, but I was a nosy bitch, so I did see.

"Are you sick?" I asked, remembering what my mom had said about him having a doctor's appointment the other day.

Lucas looked back at me and held eye contact for a few moments, then sighed. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to make it a big deal."

I sat up at the serious tone in his voice, fear already coursing through my veins. "Is everything okay?"

"It's just anxiety medication. I'm fine."

"Anxiety medication? Why are you taking medication? Is it getting worse? Are you okay? Did something happen? Are yo-"

Lucas laughed. "Don't worry about me, Lei. I'm fine, it just makes everything a little bit easier."

"But you weren't taking medication before."

"I'm fine, Lei. Seriously. Everything is okay, this is just to help me manage it a little better."

"You would tell me if everything wasn't okay, right?"

"Of course."

"Because I would be there for you, Lukey. No matter whats happening, I'm there. You know that, right?"

He reached over and put his arm around me, pulling me to him. "I know that," he said quietly, hiding his face in my hair and speaking against my neck in a way that made me shiver in the best way possible. "You've always been there."

"And I always will be," I said, wrapping my arms around him and holding him to me. "All that matters is that you're okay."

"I am," he responded, and I smiled, comforted by his reaffirmation, praying that it was true.

If I was being honest, I wasn't too worried. Lucas had this way of always getting through adversity, no matter how tough. He just powered through life, smoothing over any bumps and making everything okay, not just for himself but for us too. He had always been strong, the foundation of a house we all took refuge in. He held us all together within his walls and shielded us from the dangers of the world. But the thing was that with pressure, foundations get weaker. And at a certain point, they collapse.