Lines Between Love and Hate

Not a Difficult Leap

Another flashback and more of the "now" time. Hope you enjoy
Warning: selfharm, mention of disordered eating

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Flashback

“This is our video dairy, week three” Harry said looking at the camera.

The four boys were sitting on a narrow staircase in their room. Harry and Louis were sitting nearest the bottom with the other guys behind them. Harry was well aware of how close he was sitting to the oldest boy. Louis even had his arm over his shoulder. Over the last couple of weeks Harry had gotten more and more obsessed with the other boy. He couldn’t stop starring at him, he laughed at all he said, he even dreamed about him. He felt awful about it. Louis was three years older and, by the way, straight. It was just so bad. “So Harry was a bit ill last week, so we were all a bit nervous about that” Liam told from above the rest of them.

Harry tried to shake himself out of the thoughts of Louis, but failed miserable when said boy put his hand on his forehead. “I think he´s got a temperature now”.

A shiver ran through Harrys body by the contact. Louis´s hand continued up in his hair where he carefully pulled a bit before taking his hand back. The feeling made Harrys body warm all over. From afar he heard someone laughing, but he didn’t know who it was.

Harry had to take deep breaths to keep himself calm. But it didn’t get better as they continued. Louis always had a hard time sitting still. He quickly got bored, so all of a sudden he began biting Harry´s shoulder. The warm feeling got more intense and Harry shifted uncomfortable. He tried not to show it on his face, but he had no idea what Zayn was saying at the moment.

“The audience was amazing and so supportive” Louis suddenly said.

Harry turned his head to look at him. He was so close. He could just lean a bit in and then his lips would be on those perfect cheekbones.

“They were really loud” Liam said, which made Harry wake up once more.

“Great atmosphere” he quickly said and tore his gaze away from the perfect creature besides of him.

“So, who would you be most likely to date from this house?” Liam asked.

Harry almost chocked on the thin air. He couldn’t say his. He quickly thought about what he could say instead. “I´m gonna say Rebecca” Zayn said.

They all looked over at Louis. Harrys heart beat fast in his chest. What if he said him? He knew Louis never would, but what if. “I´m not gonna say mine yet” the oldest said with a smirk and looked at Harry, who turned back to the camera with butterflies in his stomach.

“Mine would probably be Mary” he then said and looked back at Louis.

“She's mine!” he yelled with a squeaky voice which made them all laugh, even though Harry couldn’t ignore the slight disappointment. 

Now

Harry woke up by a loud banging on the bathroom door. He groaned and looked around. Blood was smeared out on his clothes and the floor. He felt dizzy and tired. Eleven more cuts now decorated his arms. They were real deep this time. Harry groaned again. It hurt, badly. “Harry!” Liams voice called from the other side of the door.

“I´m in the shower” he called back.

He voice was hoarse and weak, so he had to try again. “Then finish up. I´m waiting out here” Liam called back.

Harry furrowed his brows. Why had Liam come? Had he forgotten a signing or an interview or something? He quickly pulled of the blood stained clothes and quickly jumped in the shower to wash the blood away. Then he put on a bathrobe and hid the clothes before opening the door. Liam was sitting on the sofa with his phone. He had turned off the TV. He looked up when Harry entered. “I´m just gonna get some clothes” he mumbled and went to his room.

His legs felt wobbly, so it´s was easier said than done. “Have I forgotten something?” he called while pulling a big sweater over his head.

“No, Louis just asked me to come over” Liams answer sounded.

Harry froze at that. Louis? Why? He slowly finished and reentered the living room, where Liam sat and looked cautiously at him. “Why?” Harry asked nervously.

“Sit” Liam asked.

Harry sat down beside of his friend. “He wrote to me and said that you had been in a fight and you might needed some cheering up” Liam explained.

Harry didn’t get any of this at all. If Louis really hated him, why would he do this then? “What was the fight about?” Liam asked and studied his younger friend.

Harry could feel the tears in his eyes again. He was tired of being so weak all the time. He fought to hold them back and smiled the best he could instead. “Nothing really. It´s just Louis being overprotective. I´m fine” he lied.

He wished it was true though. Liam didn’t look convinced. “Harry, I know things haven’t been good lately. You both have changed. We can all see it. None of you are as happy as you once were”.

Harry felt like laughing at that. “Louis doesn’t seem  unhappy. He has Eleanor” he said, regretting it the moment it came out.

Liam looked knowingly at him. “You like him don’t you?” he asked silently.

Harry didn’t know what to say. He laughed nervously. “Of course I like him. I like all of you”.

Liam shook his head. “Okay fine. But I know you two had a thing going once and I know that the management suddenly wanted a “chat” with you. It´s not a difficult leap. I know the “rules” for a boyband. I just want you to be okay”.

Harry shifted in his seat and looked down at his hands. “I am okay” he mumbled.

“Really? Because you don’t really eat anymore for an example” Liam pointed out.

Harry looked surprised up at him. He hadn’t even thought about that, but Liam was right. He had forgotten to eat lately. “I forgot” he said surprised.

Liam couldn’t help but to laugh at that. “I sometimes forget that you´re a little kid who needs to get tend to” he joked.

Harry hit him on the head with a pillow. Liam laughed again. “Come. Zayn and Niall are having a fifa duel” he said and got up.

Harry followed, but the stinging pain from his wrists never left him.

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I like daddy Liam. It's so cute.
Well I hope you liked it.

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