Lines Between Love and Hate

Move On

Another sobbing, tearfull chapter. Enjoy.
(Warning: mention of selfharm and drinking, maybe underage in some places?)

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Harry sat on the floor in the middle of the living room. His mind was blurry from the alcohol. He didn’t even notice the pain from the fresh cuts under his sleeves. “It must stand her. I must get it” he mumbled with a slurred voice.

Papers were spread out all over the floor around him. Papers with overdrawn words, keywords and wrinkles. It was all the sketches over the songs and ideas the group had had when they were still competing in X Factor. Most of these were with Louis handwriting. It had mostly been Louis and Harry who had been doing it; therefor there had to stand something about, why Louis had so much against him now. Why everyone had.

“Harry?”

Harry looked up and recognized Louis and Eleanor standing in the door starring at him. He couldn’t take his eyes from the girl. The beautiful petite girl, who apparently was so much better than he was. She was the one Louis had chosen to love. “I don’t want to talk with you” Harry mumbled and looked down again.

He had to figure this out. He needed them to leave. Louis looked worried at Eleanor who looked quite uncomfortable. “Are you drunk?” Louis asked.

“Leave me alone!” Harry cried and pulled his hair.

“Maybe I should leave?” Eleanor mumbled.

Louis ignored her and ran over to his friend instead. She quickly left. “Harry, what are you doing?” Louis asked and looked at all the papers.

“I need to figure out why I am so bad and awful and horrific” Harry said also looking around.

Louis was quiet for a moment. “What?”

“Everyone hates me. You hate me” Harry mumbled toneless.

He jumped when Louis suddenly kicked the wall. He looked up at him. He looked furious with tears in his eyes. “Why are you like this?” he yelled.

New tears threatened to spill in Harrys eyes. “That’s what I´m trying to figure out” he tried to explain.

Why couldn’t Louis see that he was trying. He was trying to become better, so people would like him again. “No Harry! Why cant you just move on?” Louis yelled looking crazy.

Harry got on his feet where he swayed for a moment before he could focus again. “I´m trying! I´m fucking trying, but I don’t know how to. I should just leave. That would make everyone so much happier” Harry said truthfully.

He turned around to go to his room. He couldn’t stay in the same room as Louis in the moment. “Stop!”

Louis took a firm grip in Harrys wrist which made him gasp from the sudden pain from the fresh cuts. Louis quickly released him with big eyes. “what?” he looked confused.

“Leave me the fuck alone Louis. I have realized that everyone hates me. You don’t have to pretend, I get it!” Harry screamed.

“Why are you so stupid Harry? I love you!” Louis yelled back.

The apartment got completely silent. “I love you” he repeated, now barely a whisper.

Harrys brain couldn’t understand the sentence. Loved him? How?

“I´ve never stopped loving you. I just wanted to protect you Harry” Louis said with tears in his eyes.

He stumbled over to the couch and sat down. Harry couldn’t move. Louis looked at him with so much sadness in his eyes. Again this sadness was caused by Harry and again he had no idea how. A loud bang sounded when the front door got smacked open. “Who´s attacking?” Niall yelled, running into the apartment with Liam right behind him, both armed with a frying pan.

They both froze when they saw the scene in front of them. “I think we´re interrupting something” Niall whispered, still with the frying pan lifted.

“You guys alright?” Liam asked looking from Harry to Louis, both boys with tear stained faces.

“Yeah, we heard yelling” Niall explained.

“We just need some privacy guys” Louis whispered with a hoarse voice.

“Yes, of course, sorry” Liam quickly mumbled and backed out the door, quickly followed by Niall who awkwardly waved before closing the door to the apartment.

“Wont you sit?” Louis asked without meeting Harrys eyes.

Feeling like a sleepwalker, Harry slowly approached the couch where he sat down and looked the other boy in the beautiful blue eyes. Louis took a deep breath. “Ever since the management took us in for the chat my life had never been more miserable” he said.

Harry couldn’t understand what he was hearing, so he just sat quiet, waiting for something that made sense in his head. “They said all these things with our careers could get ruined if people thought we were a couple and I didn’t want it to happen. I didn’t want you to have to give all your dreams up just because you had a crush on some dumb boy. I mean, you were sixteen Harry! You were, you are so young. I know I´m only three years older, but that’s a lot in this age. Sixteen and nineteen. I thought that if I just found a girlfriend and didn’t show any interest in you for some time, you would just move on like boys in your age normally do” Louis explained, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“So you did love me?” Harry asked silently almost afraid.

What is this was all a dream or a joke maybe? Louis laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “Oh God Harry” he mumbled before leaning in and pressing his lips against the younger boys.

Harry groaned and threw his arms around him. All the pain, all the darkness disappeared the movements those lips toughed his. Suddenly all he could feel was warm colors. The kiss was needy and hungry. Both boys have missed each other for so long, not been able to touch and say the things they wanted to. Harry almost panicked when Louis moved away. He needed him back. He couldn’t lose the colors and the warm again. He was sure he would die if he did. Louis looked just as frightened and panicked as he felt. “I´m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that” he mumbled and stood up.

“Louis?” Harry asked the pain returning with full power.

“I need to leave” Louis mumbled and ran out of the apartment. 

And Harry was left alone again with the empty apartment with a white floor of papers.

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He still loves him! What a surprise! Not surprised? Fair enough.
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