Always and Forever (Hosie)

Chapter 12: Let's start with "I'm sorry"

AN: Woah, it's been a hot sec hasn't it. I'm sorry this chapter took so long fam. This week has been hectic! I had a couple of finals and an event last night which meant I got no sleep but today I finally sat down and finished this chapter! You're also in luck because it's another long chapter :). I hope you enjoy.

- B

Two weeks later

POV Josie

"Okay no no no, you're doing it all wrong love." Kol lets out a frustrated sigh.

It's been three hours of training and this whole time all we did was sit in front of a blood bag and control not to get blood lust which I've been miserably failing at.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying I promise." I look over at Kol apologetically.

"Well, you're not trying hard enough." Kol starts to pace around the open area.

It's been two weeks since my meltdown and we've all been busy the whole time.

Hope called in Kol to help me learn control which I wanted to insist she didn't have to but with everything I've been through in a short period of time I knew I had to, for her.

From what I was told Kol too went through a period where he put everyone in his life at risk because of his own hunger even almost hurting Davina so I was hoping he would understand me better but I have a feeling that's not the case.

From the plan we wrote out at the beginning we were supposed to be at the stage of the training where I would practice on feeding on real humans with supervision of course but I haven't been allowed anywhere near open wounded humans because I haven't even been able to control myself around a blood bag.

"How are things going down here?" I see Hope making her way across the courtyard.

"Not that good." I slowly shake my head.

"I'm going to go get some air."

Hope and I watch as Kol vamp speeds out of the courtyard disappearing into the quarter.

"Is everything okay?" Hope turns to me looking concerned.

"Kol is definitely frustrated with me and I'm not making any progress." I look down at my feet with disappointment.

I feel Hope's hands on my face guiding me back so my eyes meet hers.

"Control takes time babe. I know this is hard and frustrating but you'll get there. Uncle Kol is just impatient sometimes. He'll warm up to you eventually."

Hope's piercing blue eyes stare directly into my light brown eyes making everything feel okay for a second.

"I just want to get to the point where I don't have to feel scared of myself. I don't want to hurt any more people Hope." I slightly lean into Hope's left hand.

"I know. And you won't. I love you and that ring is a testament to that." Hope's eyes flicker down to the ring on my finger before she pulls me into a kiss.

I pull away and take a deep breath in before bringing my hands up.

"About that,"

Hope's hands start to pull away from my face as she frowns in confusion.

"I want this ring. I really do. But I don't deserve it Hope at least not right now." I slowly pull the ring off of my hand.

"What are you talking about?" Hope doesn't sound quite hurt but definitely not happy about what I just said.

"You gave me this ring with the promise of always and forever and I want to be able to give you that. I want to be your wife, your family, but you deserve someone better than the mess that I am now." I start to explain.