Reviews from the Empire

Breaking

marilyndoe

First I'll say, thank you for being the first person to request a review. I hope this helps you in your writing. 😁

I enjoyed your story, even if it is the start with only 3 chapters. Your book cover could be better since it has letters cut off. You have a lot to edit because of grammar mistakes, but I think that English might not be your first (or strong) language so that can mess up a good story at times, but that is easy to fix by an editor.
It was a good beginning of a story, I like that the main character did not just start their day and describe themselves by their clothes and appearance. That is a cliche that I think is way too played out, especially here on Wattpad.

There were times that I was confused about the main character's thoughts. If they were thoughts or just facts that she was retelling as the narrator, like when she talked about her mother asking her to come out with her. Try making it clear that it was her mother's dialog from early in the day.

Also, the details. There were no details on the characters. I'm not saying it's necessary to explain what they look like, but you mentioned little about the main character's interests. Nothing stood out about the male, the main character's love interest. It's like they have less than an individual personality. And when you explain these things try to stay in the present because I noticed you switched the tenses in your sentences a lot, but you seem to be working more in the present tense. (I'm the type of writer that also struggles with this.) I suggest that you start correcting your writing now so you can get used to it.

Overall, your plot seems promising, even with the little cliches added in about the bad boy persona, but that's fine. Just make sure you like your story and have fun with it.

-Empress🐧