After the War

The Preparations

Natasha

I could still tell you what time it was and where I was when I heard that Thanos had entered our solar system. It was 15:03 and I was in my room, sitting on the couch listening to music. I could even tell you what song was playing. It was "Crystal Ball" by P!nk. It's weird how you remember such tiny unnecessary details. Then again... it was something that drastically changed our lives. All our lives.

Steve walked into my room without knocking, which was surprising cause he was usually the gentleman kind of guy who always knocked. "Nat... I got bad news. Nat, do you hear me?" 'Yeah, give me a sec to turn off my music." He let me turn off my music and sat down next to me on the couch. He didn't think it was weird for me to just sit on my couch and listen to music... cause he knows I like to listen to music and stare out of the window while doing so. "What's the bad news?" I asked him. "Thanos' ship has entered our solar system." "Oh... Yeah, that's bad." "I know." "Did you tell anyone else yet?" "The Guardians are doing that." "And you're coming here to tell me because?" "I know you haven't been feeling very well lately so... I wanted the news to be brought to you by someone you trust." Fuck that's sweet. "Oh... thanks," was all I managed to say. "You're welcome." "So... when do you think he'll be here?" "Tomorrow morning probably." "Damn." "Yeah, damn indeed."

You know, it's moments like these that you want to say what's on your heart. But for some stupid reason you just don't dare to, because then your feelings will be out there and you'll be even more afraid your worst fears will come true. Right at that moment I did actually feel like that. I wanted to tell Steve that I had feelings for him, but for some reason I couldn't, because I knew him too well. I knew that if he knew I had feelings for him and he returned those feelings that he would protect me with his life, even though he knows I don't really need protection. Another part of me was afraid that he didn't return those feelings. I mean, why would he? He's more into women like Peggy, who have never fought on the wrong side, who have always fought to protect the weak. The ones who have the same morals as he does. And that's not me, not in many ways. I'm too broken.

"Nat, are you okay?" Steve asked me. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm good, I was just lost in thought." I actually was. I had been thinking of the dancing lessons I had given Steve, of how close to each other we had been in those moments. I even thought about the time we showered together. The way his body looks. "Nat, you're turning a little red." "What?" "Your face." "That's... that's nothing. Just stress." "I don't know if that can turn-," "It can." "If you say so." "So, he's coming tomorrow morning, huh?" "Yeah." "So... what are we gonna do with the time we have left?" "I... you say that as if we're gonna die." "Well, we might." He nodded, "Yeah, we might, but I choose to believe that we will survive." "You're always such an optimist." "Thank you." "I'm not sure if I meant that as a compliment." "Well, I'll just take it as one." I shook my head. "What?" "You're a stupid idiot, did you know that?" I knew he knew I didn't mean it like that. I meant it in a nice, we're friends who are kinda mean to each other but still love each other way. "I like to think I'm a nice idiot." "The kind of idiot that doesn't care what size his foe is." "Yeah, maybe that is a little stupid." "A little?" "Okay, maybe it's stupid." "Maybe?" "You really want me to say that I'm an idiot, don't you?" "Maybe." "Well," he said, "I don't think I will. Instead I think I'll do something else." "Oh yeah, and what is that, huh?" "Hmmmm, maybe I'm gonna tickle you to try to figure out what's really bothering you." "You don't dare." "Oh, you think so?" He did dare.

I tried my very best not to laugh, but, yeah, it was hard cause maybe I'm a little ticklish... just a little, believe me, I'm not the only ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who's ticklish. I'm not gonna say who else is ticklish, just that her last name might be a landform. Anyway, Steve tickled me to try to get some secrets out of me. That sounds weird when you say it out loud. I honestly thought it would have been harder to break me, but then again, I was trained to resist torture, not tickling. It also might have helped that this was Steve and not some crazy enemy who wanted information.