Alex's POV:
I lay down on my side, facing Jack, who's still crying into my chest. "I don't d-deserve you," he mumbles.
"I think I'm the one who doesn't deserve you," I reply, chuckling.
"No, Lex, I-I'm the one w-who hurt you."
"It's okay, really. Let's just move on, together."
"If you say so, Lex."
I get up to take the hot cocoa mugs to the kitchen, closing the door and turning off the lights when I come back in. Jack is sitting at the edge of his bed with his head down, not reacting to me reentering the room. In the darkness, I sit beside him and look at him. He's still upset about something, but I can't pinpoint what it is.
"What is it?" I ask him. He shivers in response, turning away from me. "Jack, talk to me." I pull his hand out of his lap, interlacing my fingers with his.
"Don't listen to what I said about relying on your blades and on starving yourself. I didn't mean any of it, Lex. I meant none of it! I just want to take it all back." His voice raises slightly, which causes me to flinch, but I grab his hand tighter.
"Jack, really, stop putting so much blame on yourself. What you did was fucked up, we both know that, but I'm willing to forgive you and give you another chance." He lays down with his head in my lap, and I run my hands through his hair.
"Thank you for forgiving me, Lex," he whispers.
"Of course," I reply, kissing his forehead lightly. "But we need to get some sleep."
He doesn't reply, but instead just climbs into his bed, curling into a ball. I lay beside him with his back facing me, draping my arm over him and nuzzling my head into his back. He leans back into me, drifting to sleep in our comfortable spooning position.
"I love you, Jack, even after everything. Maybe it's soon to say I love you, but I never stopped. So I'll never say it to you until you say it first. I can't believe this is actually happening, but I'm not complaining. I may not know what love is, but I want to figure it out with you by my side," I whisper to his sleeping self, closing my eyes immediately afterwards.
Jack's POV:
I wake up to see Alex shaking me awake, worry clouding his eyes.
"Damn, what's so important you have to wake me up at," - I glance at my clock - "8:30 in the morning?" I rub the sleepiness out of my eyes, looking at Alex clearer. He seems to be on the brink of tears, and it quickly crosses my mind, hoping that it's not what he's thinking about.
He can't know that I self-harm as well.
"Not you too, Jack! You can't do it, too!"
Well, this is what I get for wearing short sleeves while he's here.
"Lex, the scars are old, I haven't done it in a few weeks," I lie.
"Bullshit. That's some serious bullshit."
"Fine. I'm sorry, I would've told you later, I swear I wasn't hiding anything from you, I just wasn't ready to tell you yet."
"That's not what I'm concerned about," he says. "Why do you do it? Why would you do that to yourself?"
"I could ask you the same question," I shoot back, getting defensive.
"This isn't about me, Jack! How about you actually try to open up to someone instead of pushing them away when they clearly are just trying to help you? Why don't you appreciate the people in your life who care about you endlessly and talk to them about what you're going through instead of bottling it all up inside you?"
"Alex, you're being over dramatic," I say, chuckling.
"I know, Jack, I just am scared. I want you to be okay, but I can't do that if you try to brush it off," he mumbles. "You were wearing short sleeves when we walked here yesterday, I can't believe I didn't notice." He grabs my wrist tightly and runs his finger across the scars, as if he's taking in what he's seeing. "Is this all of them?"
"Yes." That was the truth.
"I don't believe you."
"Then check for more." He immediately pulls the sheets off of me and slightly pulls down the waistband of my boxers to reveal my hips, which in fact have no scars on them. He breathes a sigh of relief, pulling the sheets back over me.
"Why?" he asks.
"What?"
"Why do you do it?"
"I couldn't live with the guilt of how much of an asshole I was to you."
"Jack, that means it was my fault..." he trails off, fiddling with the sheets.
"No! Fuck, no. Don't even start to blame yourself Alex. Do you hear me?"
"Yeah," he says quietly. It doesn't fully convince me, but I decide not to push it. "We're gonna stop self-harming together, okay?" he offers.
"Sounds like a plan to me," I reply, smiling. I give him a quick peck on the lips before lying back down again, facing him. I pull him against me so his face is against my chest and my head is on top of his. "It never felt right calling this just friends," I say quietly, not really expecting a reply.
"Thank god you feel the same way," he says, drifting to sleep as my hand plays with his hair.
For the first time in a long time, everything honestly seemed okay.
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
You Broke Me, You Saved Me (Jalex)
Fanfiction-COMPLETED- - trigger warnings in first chapter "Let's get to my house, we need to get you warm," he says. I look at him, and he's soaking wet. He's only wearing a short sleeve shirt with skinny jeans, since he gave me the sweatshirt he was wearing...
