You Broke Me, You Saved Me (Jalex)

Chapter 20: I'm Hardly Worth Your Time

Alex's POV:

He kisses back almost immediately, which surprises me. I don't want to pull away first, because I missed this too much. I couldn't deal with staying away anymore. I loved Jack Barakat. It wasn't platonic anymore. I was in love with him, and tonight I would say it for the first time. All my worries faded away in that moment and I forgot about his dad altogether.

He pulls away, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Alex," he whispers hoarsely after regaining his breath. "What the hell?"

"Let's walk," I say, more of a demand rather than a request. I take his hand and roughly pull him to the street, walking quickly until we're well out of sight from his house. Slower now, I lead him to the bridge, neither of us saying a word the entire way, besides Jack muttering under his breath, "this had better be worth it."

We approach the lone bench, but I don't sit down. Instead, I turn to face him, securing both his cold hands into mine. "I didn't mean to hurt you," I say eventually, after spending a moment staring into his deep brown eyes. "I mean, I knew it would, but I had to do it."

"You keep saying that, but it means nothing without an explanation," he says cooly.

"I know you're sick of hearing this, but I can't tell you the full story. Not yet. For now, if we're going to be together, we have to be entirely closeted. No one can know. And by no one, I mean absolutely no one. Understood?"

He sighs in defeat, averting his gaze away from me. He pulls his hands from mine and runs them through his hair, as he usually does when he's faced with a tough decision.

"I'm not forcing you to take me back," I say quietly. "I know I don't deserve you after all the damage I've caused. One day, I hope you realize why I'm doing all this. I really do like you, Jack, and I never want to lose you again. But if you can't keep us a secret from everyone, then we need to part ways. At least for now."

"Even my parents?" he asks.

"Yes. I know it seems stupid, but basically I'm not allowed to hang out with you, like at all, and if I'm seen with you by a certain person or if that certain person overhears that we're even speaking to each other, it ends badly for you."

"What do you mean, it ends badly for me?"

"Shit, shit. Fuck. I've said too much. Forget I said that, fuck. I should go," I try to push past him, but he places a firm grip around my wrist.

"No, Lex, wait. You don't need to tell me who because obviously you don't want to, but what you're telling me is... you did all this to keep me safe from a certain person?" he asks, lowering his voice as if he refuses to believe it.

I bite my lip and look at my feet, nodding my head slightly. "I didn't want to have to hurt you," I choke out, holding back tears that threaten to fall suddenly. "And I don't expect you to understand. I know you're mad at me for it. You don't have to be with me."

He pulls me in and hugs me tightly, which literally melts me into a crying mess. Fuck, I didn't deserve him, but I didn't care at that exact moment. Maybe it's selfish, but I never want this feeling to go away.

"I wish you'd told me sooner, Alex. We could've had this talk sooner and we wouldn't have had to spend weeks apart."

"I'm sorry, Jack. I was scared, and I don't want you to get hurt. That's all I was trying to do, because if something ever were to happen to you, I'd never forgive myself."

Jack's POV:

"Shh, it's okay, I understand now. And yes, I'll keep us a secret until you're ready," I murmur into his soft hair. I try to hug him tighter by wrapping my arms around his waist, but he jumps back in pain.

"What? What happened?" I ask, scanning my eyes over his thin frame.

"Oh, nothing," he says, forcing a smile.

"Show me your hips, then."

"No!"

"If it actually is nothing, you wouldn't have anything to hide."

He crosses his arms and looks down, defeated. "I guess you're all I have at this point, and you'll see it sometime anyway, so you look. I'm not helping."

I approach him again and gently lift part of his shirt, him gasping as my cold hand touches his warm skin. "Sorry," I mutter, pulling down the waistband of his jeans just enough to reveal his hips. They're slashed with cuts, which I assume are self-inflicted. As much as that hurts me, I also notice something else- they're slightly bruised.

I know that's another form of self-harm, but my mind flashes back to what happened at his locker after school today and how I'd walked away when things had started to escalate.

Did something happen? More specifically... did Alex have sex with that guy? And if he did... was it willingly?