Michael had left to go prep himself for surgery, nurses and interns ran around me- nothing but chaos.
Ashton was the only thing keeping me calm
I held his hands, listening to him talking to me, not worrying about anything but what he said.
A nurse soon helped me out of my clothes and into a gown- which didn't make me happy, but I also didn't have a choice.
Ashton joined us once I was covered, he came right back, taking his spot, holding my hands tightly.
"Luke is going to be in there with Michael to monitor your heart since you have a murmur, you should be out in thirty minutes, just think of it as a good nap" he spoke calmly, never looking away from me.
"You'll be here?" I get tears in my eyes- it wasn't out of pain, I didn't actually know why I was crying- I just needed to.
"Yes, I'll wait for you to wake up, I won't leave you" he spoke calmly.
I nodded slowly, feeling him wipe my cheeks with his thumb slowly, smiling softly.
"You're going to be perfectly okay, you're in the best hands, Holland" he assured me.
Within ten minutes, I knew I was about to go into surgery, but I knew the medicine was working, because I wasn't nervous at all.
I was ready to take a fat ass nap.
"You feeling okay?" Ashton asked me quietly as two nurses stood beside my bed, waiting to take me.
"Perfect" I exhaled, not actually being sarcastic- I felt good.
"Okay, I'll see you soon" he smiled, giving my hand a tight squeeze before kissing my knuckle gently.
"Tell the guys I said see you soon too" I spoke to him, letting go of his hand as they started moving the bed.
I stayed silent as we went through multiple hallways, all the way into a freezing cold room.
I stayed silent as the nurse pulled my hair into a loose ponytail before putting a cap over my hair, before nodding, continuing to bring me into what I assumed was the OR.
With help from about five other people, they held my hip as stable as possible before moving me onto the cold ass bed, making my nerves immediately come into play.
I stayed silent, watching the people around me.
"Okay, I'm just going to put these electrodes on your chest and stomach, okay?" A guy in scrubs spoke to me, holding them in his hands.
"Okay" I agreed quietly, making him immediately start sticking them to me before hooking my IV up to tubing.
I felt a blanket go over me, but I stayed focused to the guy messing with my IV.
"Are you putting me to sleep?" I asked him, bringing my hands to each other so that I could turn my rings, but then I realized I didn't have my rings
There goes my nervous habit.
"No, this is just fluids for now, the doctors will come in and speak to you before you even get tired" he spoke, making me slowly nod, looking to the ceiling, making me notice a window above the room, people filing into it, sitting in multiple seats.
"Is that a fucking viewing room?" I asked, watching him glance to the same window I was looking at.
"Yes, but it's only for doctors and interns, no public" he spoke as if it was no big deal- but I was tripping shit.
I should've never ran from my dad, I should've just ignored him and fell asleep.
Then, I didn't even tell my fucking dad that I was going into surgery- what if I fucking die?
Well,
Would he remember me to care?
I watched tears invade my vision, I wanted nothing but to go back a week
A week ago I was happy
I had my dad
My dad loved me
I was playing soccer
I was in school
It was all great
And today, I'm laying on a fucking operating table, almost butt ass naked, open for view of apparently all surgeons, doctors and interns- how fucking lucky was I?
"You okay?" The guy asked me, making me bring my hands to my face.
"My life fucking sucks"
