Not Without You

thirty-two

Aria

By the time I arrive home, the food is cold and my hair has become extremely curly thanks to the humidity. I know Benn isn't here because his vehicle is still gone but I'm surprised to find out that only my mom is home. I guess Dad met up with Mason, one of his old teammates, for a couple of drinks. Where Uncle Hainsey and Aunty Emyln are, I'm not sure.

"Someone's tired," Mom says, looking up from her book. I glance at her. On the coffee table, there's an empty glass of wine, as well as some leftovers from dinner. Something tells me Mom has been enjoying the quiet time. I feel bad that I've come home early and interrupted it. "Long day?"

I walk over to the fridge and open it, sticking the food inside. Normally, I would try to hide my leftovers from anyone in this family but I doubt it's going to be in the fridge for too long. The walk made me a little hungry, despite my emotional turmoil. "You have no idea," I mutter as I snatch an elastic band from the kitchen drawer and join her on the couch.

Any hard feelings towards Benn have subsided now and been replaces by hard feelings towards myself. I should have been more aware of the people around me and less focused on hockey and myself. Every time I think back to a memory with Benn, I can pick out obvious hints he's thrown at me over the past couple of years. I feel ashames of myself for not figuring it out sooner. I feel ashamed of the way I reacted tonight.

Beside me, I hear Mom set her book on the table and shift into a different sitting position. I can feel her eyes on me but I continue to stare at a nonexistent scratch on the floor, ignoring her the best I can. I want to talk to her about what's happened, but it would be unfair of me to share the story with her when Benn plays such a big part in it. I can't reveal his secret to her.

"Aria," Mom says, her voice firm. "What did that floor ever do to you?"

A smile finds its way onto my lips. Leave it to Mom to make me smile when I'm stuck in emotional turmoil. "I don't know if I can talk about it," I reply quietly, getting to work on tying my ruthless hair into a braid. It doesn't take me long to do. I'm a natural at doing so after playing hockey for so many years. 

"Why not?" Mom asks.

"Because," I sigh, leaning back so my head is hanging over the armrest and I'm staring at the ceiling. "It involves someone else's secret, and I don't know if I can say anything to you or anyone else. It's not my secret to tell. I found out by mistake."

"Alter the story then," she replies. "Change the names around

I close my eyes, feeling the blood rush to my head as I lay in this position. I suppose, if my mom can't figure out who I'm talking about, I'm not exactly revealing Benn's secret. But I still feel bad about it, so I shake my head. "I want to talk about it, Mom, but I can't. This person and I...we need to figure things out before I talk to anyone." I sit up and stare at my mom. The look on her face is definitely understanding, but I can tell she's curious. And just when she's about to say something, I hear my name being called.