Not Without You

forty-one

Aria

I feel somewhat responsible for the pictures getting out on the Internet. I should have known better than to kiss Leo in public, a place where people can't seem to mind their own damn business. I'm disappointed in myself, to be honest. As immature as it is, I should have resorted to some teenager-y act of intimacy, such as holding hands under the table. That way, no one would have been able to snap a picture of Leo and I; we would have looked like two people hanging out with a group of mutual friends.

As much as Leo says he's okay with this and needs to develop skills if he's to become a professional golfer, I'm still worried about him. Whenever he tries to come across as relaxed when we're discussing this newly-surfaced issue, he always gets this tenseness in his jaw, as if he's debating whether or not he should start gnawing on the inside of his cheek. I can tell he's stressed about being thrust into the spotlight. On the contrary, I know what he's said to me is true — that kid speaks nothing but the truth even if it's blunt. He's willing to try. He's willing to sacrifice his own privacy in order to let me continue having a relationship with my fanbase, and in turn, my team and the sport of hockey. It's all I ever could have asked for in a man because no matter how much I love him, I don't plan on changing my ways just to satisfy him. Yes, there are some things I could potentially change that would benefit my own personality as well as the relationship, but I am not allowing my passion to stray from hockey and the world that comes with it.

That being said, I'm happy to be out working at the bucket list again. Especially on a day like today. It's a sweltering thirty-five degrees Celsius with a crystal clear blue sky and a blazing sun. My shoulders, thighs, and cheeks are probably going to be burnt to a crisp by the end of this kayak trip despite the fact I practically bathed myself in sunscreen after Leo and I were finished with our unexpected morning routine. And I have to say, that every time I sleep with him, it just keeps getting better and better. He's becoming more confident, more adventurous with where he puts his mouth. He has yet to put it where I so desperately want it, but I respect that he wants to take this slow. To be honest, it's probably a good thing. Otherwise, I'd probably take this way too fast and end up losing some of the excitement curiosity can cause. I like that —

I shake my head and tilt my face to the sky, feeling the blistering rays of the sun on my face. There's no need for me to go off on these random tangents in my mind. What I need to do is disconnect and enjoy this experience with Leo. As the end of summer vacation creeps closer, every moment I spend with him becomes more and more valuable. It's going to be hard to keep a long-distance relationship going, but we're both willing to try. I can only hope our willingness is enough to make it last. I need to stay connected to the here and now, admiring Leo and the rest of the stunning scenery surrounding us.

"This is gorgeous," I say, breaking the silence. I glance over at Leo. It's difficult to tell if he's looking at me through his sunglasses, but I like to think he is. I've caught him — many, many times — staring at me before. "Your dad seemed to know all the hidden gems in Whistler."