Not Without You

forty-four

Leo

I thought I was disoriented when Aria suddenly broke things off with me, leaving me staring after her, takeout boxes in hand, and wondering what the hell just happened.  I thought I was disoriented the next day when I was having dinner with Mom, Aunty Tenille, and Kit. But as it turns out, the third day post-breakup, when the wedding is going on and I'm standing adjacent to the altar, is the day I'm most disoriented. I've been mulling over the breakup for the past couple of days now, wondering what the hell made Aria cut things off so quickly. I thought I had gotten my message across to her. Yes, the attention is nearly unbearable, but I'm finding ways to cope. Even more so now that she's not responding to my texts or calls. I know that, somewhere deep inside me, I have the ability to overcome this.

I just don't understand why she left. Why she won't talk to me. It's actually depressing, not being able to have contact with her. I've talked to Benn and Scarlett, met up with them for dinner last night, but Aria won't talk to them, either. She won't talk to anyone, apparently. Benn said all she's been doing is moping around the house. Scarlett said she's still showing up to practice, but her game has been off. And that instead of sticking around and bantering back and forth with the team, she heads straight home. It was all I could get out of them. 

I'm not sure whether or not I should go to the house and demand to talk to her. I'm stuck balancing on a thin line here; I don't want to seem like that controlling boyfriend, but I also want some answers about what happened the other day. 

This is the issue that continues to run through my head while I sit here, at one of the tables in the corner, and listen to the celebration surrounding me. I've done my best to appear happy for my family. I smiled walking down the aisle, clapped when Aunty Tenille and Uncle Kit sealed their marriage with a kiss, and I even joked around during the speech. But when all that was over, when I lost any sense of purpose to being here, I dwindled off into the shadows. I'm sure I look like a disaster: my tie is loose and hanging around my neck, my hair is dishevelled, and my posture is slack. I don't want to be a downer. I want to be celebrating this infinite moment of happiness with everyone, but it's hard for me to do. It's hard because Aria and I had been so excited to attend the wedding together. We'd even correlated our freaking outfits. 

I sigh, resting my chin on my fist as I stare at my drink, watching the carbonated bubbles rise to the top and disappear. The fact that I'm drinking ginger ale makes me feel even more foolish than I already do. I don't know why I'm still here. It's not like I'm adding anything to the atmosphere. If anything, I'm deducting energy from it. 

Pushing my drink back, I get to my feet and decide I'm going to leave. As much as I want to celebrate, my mood isn't suitable for it at the moment. It's selfish of me to do, but I'm not the kind of person that can ignore my emotions. Besides, no one is going to notice if I sneak off. 

I wind my way through the crowd, avoiding swirling dresses and stumbling left-footed people as they sway to the twang of the country music that's causing the walls to tremble. I'm envious of these people, the ones who can laugh and have fun as if they have nothing to worry about in this messed-up world.