Book One In The Ahh-Ness Of Things Series: April & Donnie were once inseparable, but now almost six years have passed since she left NYC. What if April O'Neil could set the record straight, once & for all! The only girl down enough to chill with the...
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I shot awake. I was not hurt & there was no longer any pain. I had to concentrate on breathing as the nightmares receded to the dark corners of Mikey's room. Trying to pull myself back into my present surroundings, I lightly traced the long scar above my eye. There were times when I imagined it was still bleeding, when these memories became threatening terrors in the night. I would wake & the visions that kept me from sleeping would sort themselves back into groups I created for them; this one in particular was memories of my own. Thinking back now on that horrible night, I know the truth was that I had never been in a more safe place in my life. The love that surrounded me was greater than any I had thought I knew, then. I pulled the pillow into my lap, hugging it & closing my eyes again. I would sleep sitting up for a while to make sure no more memories came, before laying back down.
There was a gentle padding sound in the hall & I looked across the darkness. Someone was outside of the room, I could see their shadow against the shoji panels. It was Donnie & I didn't want him to know I was awake; I felt spiteful & didn't want him to think I was waiting up. What did he care if I had horrifying dreams every night of my life. I'd been home for days now but he still wasn't speaking to me. He wasn't speaking to anyone, really. He would leave for most of the day & slip back into his room late, after everyone else was asleep. His self imposed isolation was becoming a problem & we all knew something was going to break. Everyone was keeping it to themselves but I knew he wanted the silence broken as much as we did. He wasn't helping us at all & worse he was being passive agressive; I'd caught him a few times now checking in on me in the evenings, when he came back.
I laid back down just as I heard the door slide open every so quietly. He was now another ghost that haunted my thoughts at night. For a moment I entertained the spastic idea of rolling over & shouting BOO. Could I get him to laugh?
I listened as he lingered for only a minute, watching me "sleep", then he was gone. I laid there pushing my face into the pillow, thinking to myself, when would this end. Which one of us would be the first to admit we just didn't know where to begin. What if we could start over, from the beginning. Something had to happen; I wasn't going anywhere, we couldn't keep avoiding each other.
This was my truest home & my real family. The family I was intended for. The life I had been designed for; to learn, to adapt, & to thrive. I understood this now but when I had first come into their world I was barely aware of my purpose. What we didn't know then even more so; destiny was unfolding. Our very lives & our individual existence was intertwined. All of us. But for Donatello & me, there was to be so much more than even we could bare over time. I made up my mind; I needed to know what went through his head when I came back. What happened, why was he taking down pictures & staying out all night. He had abandoned all of his obsessive passions, he didn't even go into his workshop, except to pack bags & leave again. He wasn't just distancing himself from me, he was distancing himself from even his own brothers. When he'd come home, he'd go straight to sleep; only I'd catch him making sure I was still here safe & sound.
No I really needed more than that, I admitted to myself as I climbed out of bed; I had to go back to that night, maybe even those first few weeks. I had to see it for myself, through his eyes. I knew, as I slipped across the hall to his room, that he wouldn't like what I had in mind, that he wouldn't go along willingly & I felt my heart catch in my throat as soon as I undid the latch to his door. I felt he hated me, there was no longer any regard for me, & he would freak out if I just walked in. I knew this wasn't true but I also knew I was intending to invade his privacy. My pulse was thumping in my ears as the heavy wooden door swung slowly away from me.
