Book One In The Ahh-Ness Of Things Series: April & Donnie were once inseparable, but now almost six years have passed since she left NYC. What if April O'Neil could set the record straight, once & for all! The only girl down enough to chill with the...
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Minutes later, I had come back into his life, & all of the things that he could have put behind him were right back in his face. It's always unexpected how life-circles back. When he crept up behind me, realizing who it was that was wandering around in his domain, he was struck absolutely silent. He quietly berated himself the whole way back to the lair; leading me home, fighting with me, trying to kiss me; until Leonardo had interrupted.
*You finally let go of the one you love because they don't really want you or at least can't be there to want you, and then there they are, asking you to take them back. Why now? Why like this? When you're all I've ever wanted!*
What had I done! I tried again to break his present embrace, but it was only seconds that were passing & then I was instantly into another memory. He wasn't in these thoughts with me, they were only his past. He was completely emersed in reality with me, like a murky pool where the water is familiar & you know your way in the dark. But as we laid there face to face, holding tightly to one another; my mind jumped to the two of them standing in front of an ice cream shop in Little Tokyo.
She had the peach mochi bun on top of green tea ice cream with a handful of lychee pearls. He got the strawberry ice snow; no red beans, with little mini mochi cubes and green apple jelly. Oh & the black sesame sauce. Lots of black sesame sauce. Christ! Donnie; always with a sweet tooth! It was like I was reading the menu & all of the little emoji faces were laughing at me.
He had completely blown off any responsibilities or duties for the night. He purposely left his T-phone at home; he wasn't kidding around. I knew from the jaded feeling in these memories, this was the day after I had come back, when he had taken off; hearing me & the guys talking in the kitchen.
They sat watching the sunset, talking about her family, looking up at the twilight sky. Nothing was on his mind at all, he wouldn't allow anything in that moment, only how wonderful she was. Her dark blonde hair tucked inside her neon yellow hoodie, her shorts showing off the curves of her thick legs, her ugly boots. She was the muted color of a robin's egg. Palest blue, speckled like him. His perception of color made her look iridescent. Glowing watercolor shades. He wasn't even thinking of new beginnings anymore or just how different things could be this time around, when she laid back on the bench and looked up at the stars beginning to peek through the trees overhead.
"Oh man, they gave me like no ice cream!" She exclaimed, lifting the big squishy mochi from off of the ice cream in her cup. He was just being himself when he took a spoonful of his own and put it to her mouth.
"Here you can have some of mine; they gave me too much." She was looking up at him, watching him attentively as he pulled the plastic spoon away. "Anyways, it's melting."*
She laughed at his self aware bashfulness & redirecting it; "They must have given you the rest of mine."
Her altruistic since of humor was endearing. She was a lovely mess with her steady attitude, that still couldn't hide her playful nature. She was irresistible the way she looked up at him, her head on his leg, like he had just done the most romantic thing she could ever imagine. Feeding her ice cream.
I wanted these memories to stop. I wanted the present to stop. I didn't want to be laying there letting him kiss me; knowing what I was about to see my mind. What I knew was coming. I could feel his pulse rising, his curious aggression. Only minutes before now, I had seen this same girl crying over someone that I didn't deserve, and she did. In all her radiant youth & honest desire to know him; she owned that moment; when he lowered his face to her's and kissed her slowly. The sweetness of her mouth, the taste of mochi & ice cream, and I could taste it now in my mind and on my tongue, and I felt the strongest need to push him away from me. Not out of anger or jealousy, but out of bitter sweet love for him; knowing that once again I had tainted some important memory in his life. Something that actually held reminiscence in his damned eidetic memory. In total dread, I was aware that he knew exactly what I had meant; that he also had the chance to move forward, to take another path.
I knew the taste of peaches had reminded him of me. Just as I knew that tonight; they had said goodbye on different terms & she knew he had to find out why I had come back before he would see her again. He always said I smelled like peach & it was so private a thing for me to know that's what did him in, in the end. The flavor of first love, but on someone new. I didn't have any right to know.
He was bending my knee and wrapping me around his body. He whispered my name. "You need to come back to me." I could feel him dragging his hand up the length of her thigh, to the small of her back. Yet as her body rose up to meet him, he'd been taken back by her solicitude, reading him, ashamed of his own thoughts; that I am crossed his mind & he had stopped. His hands still held her as he questioned it inspite of himself himself.
*I have to know why April came back. I can't start something new with her until I know why April's here.*
It wasn't her. It was always me; I had crashed into his mind, in such a violating way, he couldn't think of her with all the desire his faithful, faithful heart could exude & still let me wander around in sight. I wanted to shout stop. Wandering in his mind. Run away from me. Wandering in his heart. As far away from me as you can. Go back to this innocent girl who knows no sadness no bitterness towards you. You would be her first, her only, to build a life with. Something good, without all the strife and confusion. I envy her and I envy you; the two of you would have each other. You could make her happy she would give you serenity. I only came here to bring you sadness again, more discouragement and I know what I'm doing this time. I know that I'm bringing these demons with me into your world and into your life. I don't want this for you. I always said you were conceited, but really it's me who is always so self absorbed, and in that moment I knew his heart had been strong enough for the both of us. He was the one constant, he was the ever patient guard. Tirelessly standing beside me even when we were reckless with consequences. He had given up everything for me over & over again. Even things he didn't know he'd lost.
He was leaning over me now, in a far away voice through the quiet air, he sighed; "I never thought it was too late to change things."
My head was filled with the sweet adolescence of someone who could have loved him better than me. Even more, in her willingness, I still lingered. He was angry that I wouldn't leave his heart, & despised the thought that he wished for me to. It was like the ice cream had been smushed forcefully down into the cup. I could imagine the soft creaminess smoothly billowing out of the sides of an upside down cone in his hand, as his mouth pushed against mine. I grabbed ahold of his hand on my hip & pushed him away from me. His fingers were wrung in the waist of my shorts, pulling the leg up revealing the top of my thigh. The hopeless pain in my stare reflected on his blank face.
"I'm sorry, April. Whatever it was that I did to you."
