Heart to Heart

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"Hey kid. What are you doing in here?"

I was a little startled by Raphael's gruff voice from behind me, & I think he might of thought he was catching me doing something questionable. He was leaning, shoulder squared into the door frame, & his big arms were crossed over his chest. I patted the bedside & he slumped down in a squat beside me.

"I'm packing." 

"Oh. Well it was nice to see you." 

He sounded so nonchalant but I knew all the same, he didn't want me to leave, again. I laid my head on his shoulder & wrapped my arm around him. My hand fell comfortably onto a large, dull spike protruding from his shell, just where it always had before. He looked around the room, curious of his brother's space. He had a way of speaking like it was an after thought & I new he was searching for the right words. There was a quiet sort of normal between us. He reached around me & pulled me towards him, planting a kiss on my head. I'd never had anyone to talk to about life & love & regrets; to ask for advise. Who knew I'd have that kind of relationship with him, but that's what it became. He'd always been my advocate, even when Donnie & I couldn't find common ground.

"You know I don't want you to go, girly. I think you're making a mistake." He was watching me out of the corner of his eye. "How are you feeling? Donnie says there's something really wrong with you.. care to share, or you just gonna not give a shit & keep making us worry?"

I squeezed his big arm & kissed him on the shoulder. He wrapped his arms warmly around me, but he hadn't thought of what he really wanted to say, yet. I was absolutely terrified of him, when we first "met". I was certain he had buckets of blood or human skulls under his bed, like a dungeon dragon hoarding the remains of his victims. Really he was just an angry, cynical kid with a wicked face & now; he'd grown up to be this super sweet dad. He took the photograph of me & Donnie from my hand & looked it over.

"You know, he don't love her like that. Noni. He's not in love with her."

I was a little shocked; he was so blunt to just bring something up like that. Why should it have surprised me though, Raph always just kind of knew where I was at in my head. He was looking me over, waiting for me to say something. "I mean that is what this is about, April?"

I took the picture from him & tucked back into the middle of the stack, where I couldn't see it. He noticed.

"I know him April. He's my brother. I know things about him even you don't know, and I don't mean little brother stuff, I mean I've seen him have feelings for someone and I've seen him in love. This ain't that."

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