Keeping Tabs

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I managed to sneak past my mother's bloodhound senses when I got home, and I went directly to bed as soon as I reached my own bedroom. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I felt like a new woman.

For the next two weeks, I spent most of my time at Colin and Micah's houses, depending on which one had the house to themselves. I was in a perpetual state of bliss and I never wanted it to end. But of course, like everything good, this had to end, too.

It was the third Sunday of the following January when Colin picked me up from my house. I hadn't had time to fix my hair or make up, so I was completely self conscious as I climbed into the passenger seat of his car. I knew something was wrong when he didn't lean over and kiss me.

He didn't even say anything or look at me. He just kept his eyes focused straight ahead on the road. The uneasy feeling in my stomach grew with every block he drove past. He didn't speak the entire drive, and he didn't go to Micah's, or his house.

He took me to the lake, and I began to realize just how bad this was going to be. Ever since Seth's death, none of us had come here. Lake Waco had become a place of heartbreak and bad memories. Every good memory from our first summer here was tainted by what had taken place here. I began to cry softly, knowing what was coming now. I watched him come around to my side of the car and open the door, extending his hand to help me out.

“Why?” It was all I could say. I knew what he was about to do, I just couldn't understand why. He gave me a slightly confused expression, shaking his head as though he had no idea what I was talking about. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he did, and no amount of begging was going to change the outcome.

“I want to talk to you, come on.”

Colin's voice sounded hollow and rehearsed, and it sickened me to know that I was about to play my final role as his girlfriend. I shook my head in denial as I let him pull me toward a shade tree right by the edge of the water. It broke my heart even more to come to this tree, because my first time at the lake, I'd sat under this same tree, daydreaming about Colin and how wonderful it would be to have him there with me. And now that he was here with me, it was to rip out my heart.

I circled the tree until I found the reminder that I had carved into this tree on that day. Almost a foot above the base of the tree, I found it. I had carved our initials here as I'd dreamed of him, and to see them now only made this seem even more final. He groaned loudly as he saw what I'd been searching for. I'd never said anything about it to anyone, so there was really no way for him to have known, but this place had already made me feel tied to him.

“I'm sorry I brought you here.” He said.

I visibly recoiled as he reached out for me. He let his hand drop, but he finally looked me in the eye, and it was a lot worse than I thought. He turned and walked away for a few feet, then pivoted on his heel and came to stand right in front of me.

“Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I'll change, whatever you want. Anything, just don't do this, please. Colin, you can't do this.” I couldn't keep myself from begging, even when I knew that it would do me no good. The sense of determination radiated from him, and I knew the words were useless, but I had to try.

“The problem is something you can't change. Babe, it's like this. My mother has let us go on like this because she thought we were friends. And now she knows better. She's completely right, though. You're too young for me right now. It's nothing that you've done, and it's nothing either of us can fix.

“You had to know it was going to come up eventually, right? I mean, yeah, I lied to myself for months. I've thought about you every day for a very long time, now. So don't think it's not killing me to do this, but I think we should stop this before it gets worse. Not forever, just. . . A few years maybe. Just not now.”