Keeping Tabs

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I came home from work on the third afternoon to see Micah sitting on the couch with Bryan, crying on his shoulder. When he looked up, Bryan let him go. Micah ran to hug me, and I knew that something had gone terribly wrong. I asked, “What happened?”

“Nann's dead. She died this morning at the hospital. We have to go back to Texas. I can't do this without you, Tabs. She'd have wanted you there, anyway.” Micah said, his voice trembling.

“Micah, there was no way you were going to be able to stop me.” I said, my own tears of grief choking me and making my voice watery. We were on the next flight out, Bryan traveling with us. As soon as we landed, I was on the phone, dialing Jared's number.

“What do you want, Tabitha?” Jared asked. I was glad that he at least answered his phone, and he did not sound happy to be on the phone with me. I deserved it, and I knew as much.

“I'm sorry for everything, I didn't mean to be this mean or thoughtless to you. I love you, too. I want to be with you, but I'm in Texas at the moment.”

“Why?” Jared asked.

“Micah's grandmother's funeral. I'm sorry I didn't call you before we left, but I just got here. I needed to talk to you.” I explained. I realized then that I did love him, just not as much as Colin and not in the same way as Chris. I'd learn to live with it, and stop comparing Jared to my previous loves.

“Alright, doll. Give Micah my condolences. We'll talk more when you get back.” Jared said, still sounding just a bit irritated with me, though the relief in his voice was audible. We exchanged “I love you's", and “goodbyes”, then hung up with the promise of calling each other later on.

As soon as we left the airport, we went straight to the funeral home. Micah and I were a bit distraught to see that it was the same funeral home that had once hosted services for both Adam and Seth. Bryan gave both of us comforting hugs, and he seemed to know that this would be his job for the duration of the trip.

We spent the remainder of the evening making funeral arrangements, and it was only then that I realized that Micah was the only relative of Nann's that was present. It was all left to him to take care of his grandmother's arrangements, and I was glad that I'd come with him, because we were both overwhelmed by this task.

We spent the night in Nann's house, and I don't think any of us slept for more than a few minutes. I could hear Micah crying in the next room for the majority of the night, and I wished that I had brought Jared with me so it didn't feel so lonely in this room that I'd once called mine. Nann had never changed a thing about either Micah's room, or mine. I could feel Micah's loss and it only seemed to reflect and magnify my own.

The following morning, the funeral home was full of people when we got there. Micah and Bryan went to speak with the mortician about Nann's burial outfit and the makeup she would be wearing, and I stayed upstairs, looking at coffins for sale. I looked over to the steel blue coffin with the ivory liner that we had picked the night before, and I began to study the picture embroidered into the cloth of the lid. A still, serene lake surrounded by various evergreens and shrubs. It was very Nann, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought.

“Come here often?”

I spun around to see who was speaking to me and my heart froze in my chest. Colin was standing in the doorway watching me, and when our eyes locked, every minute that had passed since we'd last seen each other melted away. I was rendered completely speechless by the mere sight of him.

“What are you doing here?” I asked after a long moment, completely forgetting for a moment the he was one of Nann's kids, too. We all were.

“That's kinda mean, Tabs. I loved Nann, too.” Colin said quietly, and I wanted to throw my arms around him to take back the hurt that my words had just caused him. Then I remembered Jared, and how he'd waited nearly two years for me. I may have been thoughtless, even selfish at times, but I couldn't add heartless to the list.