Keeping Tabs

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Colin had moved off to college after he'd graduated, and I'd heard through Micah that he'd dropped out to be an actor. I could only imagine and wonder where he was when Micah spoke of Colin’s latest job here, a photo shoot there.

And then, the summer that I graduated I was sixteen and at the top of my class. One day that July, I turned on my favorite TV show and saw a movie trailer for the summer's newest blockbuster scream fest. And Colin's face was on my TV for the first time.

My fingers were dialing Micah's phone number before I even realized that I had a phone in my hand. I asked him if he'd seen the trailer for “Suffer” as soon as he answered, and when he said he had, I screamed into the phone.

He let me rant for a while, but when I'd slowed down just a bit, he told me he'd be right over. Twenty minutes later he was walking into my room, gathering me into a hug. I cried for the first time in nearly six months over him, and I hated myself for him.

“Maybe you should go out with Matt. It'll help take your mind off of it.” Micah said, referring to Matt Riley, the guy I'd been pseudo-dating for almost five months. He was nice enough, but that was about it. I still thought of Colin every time I was with Matt. I agreed, but groaned as Micah dialed the number for me. He was determined to make sure that I actually did it.

Even as I asked him if he could take me out that night, I was hoping he'd be busy. But of course, he was all too available. And he was more than willing to take me anywhere I wanted to go. As I hung up the phone, I gave Micah the most hateful glare that I could manage. He laughed as he took the phone from me and placed it back on my nightstand.

“See? You're feeling better already!” Micah joked. He stayed a little while longer, but he was gone by the time Matt showed up. I rolled my eyes as I heard my parents downstairs fawning over him. It always sickened me a bit to know how much my parents loved him. They never spoke of Colin anymore, unless it was to point out how much better Matt was for me.

I threw on a shirt and jeans, found a pair of worn out sneakers and mismatched socks. I ran a brush through my hair, absently noticing that my hair was getting incredibly long, touching my waistband on my jeans. I felt a pang as I thought of It. Colin had told me many times that he thought I'd look beautiful with long hair. I wondered what he’d think of it now that it was.

I walked downstairs, taking a deep breath before I turned the corner. Matt was walking into the kitchen to retrieve me as I reached the doorway. He held out his arm, motioning for me to come to him, and I obliged him, hoping my smile was genuine.

He leaned over to kiss me and I felt a wet, puckered mouth smothering mine, and nothing else. If I had actually had a brother, I imagined that this is what it would have felt like to kiss him. But I endured it, because being with Matt convinced Micah that I was moving on, and it made my parents worry less. Matt was safe, and dependable, and I felt nothing for him.

He was attractive enough, with close cropped blonde hair, cloudy blue eyes, and a football player's build. Most girls would consider themselves lucky to be with him. He had just turned eighteen in April, and worked for his father's car dealership. He'd been a star on the school's football, baseball, and basketball teams, and he'd also graduated with honors and an athletic scholarship. But he was just someone to fill the hole that Colin left.

“I thought we could go to the movies, there's a new one out that I've been dying to see.”

Of course he wanted to go to the movies. Just as long as he didn't want to watch “Suffer”. I followed him out to his car, waving my parents off as we walked out. He was driving a brand new red Jeep that still had the sales stickers in the windows. He started talking about what was included with the car and I felt as though he was trying to sell the damn thing to me.