Keeping Tabs

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Two days later, Jared finally called, ready to talk to me, his voice apologetic and soothing over the phone. I hung up and drove Micah's car to his apartment. I walked through the door and noticed that his usually not too messy apartment was completely trashed, beer cans and empty bags littering the floor. There were dishes overflowing in the sink, mold growing on them. There were dirty clothes piled on every surface of the room.

Jared was a gaunt, emaciated version of himself. His skin had actually gone a bit gray since I'd seen him last. He looked like he was a bit glad to see me, but a profound grief had overtaken him in the previous couple of weeks. His color improved a few shades as I agreed to sit instead of standing by the doorway where I'd leaned against the doorjamb as he cleared enough clean space for me.

“I'm glad you came. I didn't seriously think you would after our last talk. I'm sorry,” Jared spoke quickly, but with a tenderness that I'd never known him capable of. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath before he looked at me, the pout of his bottom lip making him look like a lost little boy. His large, reflective hazel eyes with that disheveled mess of black hair hanging to his shoulders just screamed for you to take him home.

“I didn't think that you'd want to see me after everything. I have something that I need to tell you.” I started, but he held up a hand to silence me.

“I have something I need to tell you.” Jared began, he took another deep breath, then began, “When I accused you, I just saw the pictures and took them out of context. I didn't really study anything, I just lost it. Then I didn't believe you when you told me that you hadn't slept with them, and I should have taken your word for it. I-”

“Stop right there,” I said, needing to be upfront and honest about it. I took a ragged breath as I continued, “Before you go putting me on some pedestal, you need to hear this. Then you can decide whether or not to forgive me.

“When you accused me of sleeping with Colin and Chris, I hadn't. But they came here for the storm, and things have changed since we spoke last. And before you ask, yes, I love them both, but I love you, too. That's why I'm telling you now.

“They mutually decided to deal with me having an emotional and physical relationship with both of them, and truthfully, it's just what works for me. I can still love you, too. I just can't live without either of them. I've discovered that much about myself, and that I can't change any of it. So, do you still forgive me, or should I go?”

Jared sat there for a long moment, absorbing everything I said, a calculating expression on his face. After a long while, he asked, “So if I just sit back and accept that you're just going to be with those two in all the same ways that you're with me, no matter what, and I keep myself from going psycho jealous, I get to keep you?”

“Right,” I agreed, and he nodded, scratching that off his mental checklist. Then he asked what he must have considered the important question.

“And if I don't accept it, or I do go psycho jealous, I lose you for good? Do I have it pretty well summed up?”

“Yeah, that pretty much covers it,” I said, nodding in agreement. He sat there for a long moment, mulling over his options. He then looked me in the eye and said, “I love you too much to give up and quit now, so I guess I'll just deal, too.”

As he hugged me I actually felt just how thin he'd gotten, and I vowed to never let him be that unhappy again. I kissed him softly and pulled him with me into the tiny, windowless bathroom. He began to compliantly strip when I began to run bathwater for him. It actually seemed to surprise him when I stripped down with him.