It's Always Been You

Ch XXVI: That Didn't Mean...

One minute, I'm on Kurt's lap kissing him with everything I have. The next minute, he's next to me, on the verge of tears, saying that it's wrong. What happened?

"What do you mean this is wrong? Us kissing is wrong?" I asked him. He just nodded and still refused to look at me.  "How? Why? Why is it so wrong?" He was silent for a minute before he finally spoke up.

"Because I don't know if I love you that way." 

I could feel my heart rip in two and sink into my stomach. It felt like when you have butterflies in your stomach, except they weren't happy and light. They were heavy and depressing. My mind was screaming at me, 'Why would you do that?!', 'You're so dumb!', 'What were you thinking?!', 'You've ruined everything!' "K-Kurt I... I just... I'm sorry I didn't know.

"Please don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. It's not you it's me. I know that sounds really cheesy and like an excuse but it's not. I promise you didn't do anything wrong." Kurt sniffled and I looked at him, trying to hide the hurt bu I knew he could see it in my eyes. I shook it off, I needed to cheer him up. I smiled, fakely and wiped awak Kurt's tears with the back of my hand.

"Please don't be sad. I love you and I know I love you but it's okay if you don't love me back. I understand. But I'm just confused... I thought you always had a crush on me. It always seemed like you were jealous of Sebastian." I said shyly.

"Woah how did you know that? You can't even determine that. You have no evidence, so how do you know?" Kurt said sharply, his voice getting higher. I sighed and looked at my feet.

"Quinn told me... She said that Puck told her. And Artie told Puck and MIke told Artie and Tina told Mike and Mercedes told Tina and Finn told Mercedes and Rachel told FInn."

"...Wait what? This is so confusing." Kurt groaned and covered his face with his hands. "It doesn't matter. The fact and the matter is that it got out because I was a dumbass and told Rachel. I can't believe you found out... I'm so embarassed." I could see a certain ruddiness begin to creep down his neck and I smiled before kneeling down in fron of where he was sitting and gently pulled his hands away from his face so I could look at him.

"Don't be embarassed. I'm glad you like me in that way. Well... LIKED I guess. What happened? Do you not like me anymore? Are you embarassed by me?"

"No, no of course not. I just... I don't want your feelings to be artificial. You JUST broke up with Sebastian Blaine. It wouldn't be fair of me to just swoop in and start dating you. I just want to be sure you aren't just defelcting your love and feeling onto me since you don't have Sebastian anymore. Do you understand?"

"I understand..." I sighed. But that didn't mean I agreed with it.