psychotic // l.h.

15 - 1am

Hi! I'm back. I didn't update for that long because I had to do a lot of school work and writing so that's that. This chapter is really short and I'm sorry about that but I hope you like it anyway. I just wanted to get something out there, even if it's a bit fillerish. I am so astounded by the amout of reads this is getting and I cannot thank you all enough. Also, thank you for all the comments, constructive critisism or not, they help me and make my day. Lots of love and I will be writing more over winter break.

-Em

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It might have been 1:00 am when a single tear rolled down Luke’s cheek and I rushed to wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. I left my hand resting on his pink flushed cheek. His bottom lip quivered and I felt the urge to kiss him.

 

I didn’t though.

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He muttered, his voice cracking right when I felt my heart breaking, “I’m sorry I’m so weak, I’m sorry I did this to you. But I can’t let you go. I really can’t. I just need you here, with me.” He said and I nodded, resting my weight on my knees as he stayed seated on the ground, his arms wrapped tightly around his curled up form. I understood that he wasn’t going to let me go, I knew that. I hated to stay with him but I knew this wasn’t his fault. I didn’t know exactly what was wrong with him, but I knew that it was made worse by the neglect of Annabell.

 

He was looking at me with watery, red rimmed eyes. I felt shivers shoot up my spin as I felt like I was staring at a broken child. A younger, abused, misunderstood version of Luke.

 

I shuffled forward and pulled his head to rest his cheek against my chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, clutching to the fabric of my dress. My knuckles twined into his hair and his tears dampened my shirt. He gasped for air through his crying and it made me hold him closer, out bodies molded together perfectly.

 

“You are not weak. Luke, you just need help. Not my help, you need help from someone who knows what they’re doing.” I said. Luke allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of me and I don’t know why he trusts me this much. I tried to get away from him only a few hours ago. I guess just needed somebody.

 

“But I want you to help me.” He muttered into my chest.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can stay with me.”

 

“Luke, me staying only makes things worse for you. You get angry, you yell at me.”

 

“But I love you.” He sighed and I felt the air leave my lungs.

 

“No you don’t Luke. You don’t really. If I was anyone else you would want them to stay just as much. You aren’t in love, you just wish you were. You want to be in love so badly that you’re willing to pretend to love anyone.”

 

“But you’re different.”

 

“I doubt I am.” I whispered, he lifted his head from my chest and looked at me in astonishment.

 

“You are the only woman that I haven’t gotten rid of yet.” As if this was the greatest compliment yet.

 

“But you’re going to kill me soon.”

 

“I haven’t decided.” he said, looking away as I felt my insides stiffened. I was going to die, I knew I was. he was going to kill me, not because he wanted to but because if he didn’t, he would be found out. I had forgotten that I had to die, I had let myself feel relaxed around him. But right now, he was practically a child, clinging onto my body and crying into my shoulder. His behavior always made me think again. What if he changed his mind? What if he actually does love me?

 

Luke hiccuped and I could feel his body start to slump against mine in exhaustion. I got to my feet and pulled him up with me, leading his stumbling feet over to the edge of the bed where he fell into the sheets, pulling my with him. He left both hands on my waist and snuggled into me, curling his head into my neck and trailing kisses along the goosebump scattered skin. I felt cold yet warm in his embrace. At home and out of place.

 

“I love you.” He repeated, whispering into my skin and trailing his lips lazily along the skin. he repeated the three words in a chant until I thought he was asleep. I loved down at him with his eyes half closed. He was still in his suit and I was still in my dress, his hair still quiffed and my makeup still done. But my makeup was smudged, his hair was messy and both our clothes were wrinkled.

 

Luke has been through so much, no wonder he breaks down over every upsetting thing, no wonder I feel the need to help him, I thought as I stared back at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts, before I heard him murmur again, “I love you.”

 

I let out a deep breath before he spoke again,

 

“I love you, but… I can’t keep you.”

 

And with that, his breathing steadied as mine increased and he fell asleep as I lay awake until morning.