I Choose You.

Chapter 24

Dean's POV

It's been about two months since Cas and I broke up. Two fucking months. I've not done a damned thing. Alcohol has become my best friend. I'm rarely home at nights. Always out drinking. Doing something to try and make myself feel alive again. Everything's been so dull since he left. Can you blame me? The one thing you wanted to live for, ripped away from you? It's about midnight now. I grab my leather jacket and car keys and walk outside quietly. I pull a pack of cigarettes out and light one. I take a drag and exhale the smoke. Oh yeah, I've picked up smoking since he left. No biggie. I get in my car and put the keys in the ignition, the car roaring to life in response. Cigarette Smoke by Arctic Monkeys plays throughout the vehicle. I pull out of the drive way and make my way downtown to a bar that I've been goin' to lately. As I put out my third cigarette of the night I step out of the car, blowing the smoke out of my mouth. I walk inside the bar and look around. People stare at me, a few check me out. In the center of the bar were strippers. Male and female ones. I went up to the bar and the bar tender gave me my usual. After drinking for a while I got up and went to watch the people stripping their clothes off and dancing on a stage. One of the female dancers came down to me and put her hand on my face, which was covered in stubble. I haven't shaved for a while. She smiled and asked if I wanted a lap dance. "Oh honey, I don't roll that way." I said in response. She nodded and walked back up. A few minutes later a guy came down and talked me into getting one. Damn did he have a nice ass. I put my hand on his hip and he slapped it away, "No touching." He said. I smirked and stood up, pulling the guy closer to me. "Hey, hands off! Stop!" He exclaimed. A few security guards came over and told me to back up. I smiled, held my hands up as if surrendering, then walked over to the guards. "Make me." I said as I punched one of them in the temple. I started throwing punches at him as the other guard tried holding me back. I simply kicked him in the crotch and kept hitting the other guy. Eventually they got ahold of me, not easily may I add. By the time it was all said and done I had broken one guy's nose and most likely beaten the other guy's dick off. I was escorted out afterwards.

Still felt nothing.

While I was walking to the impala I saw a group of people standing together to the side of the parking lot. I could smell the weed a mile away. The were high as fuck. One of them whistled me over to them, so I went. When I reached them they immediately handed me a blunt. I took it. "What's your name, man?" One of them said. "Dean." I said. I looked around the group of them and noticed one in-particular. Pretty cute. He was no Cas, but still. Good. I smirked at him. Throughout the whole time being over there we both were sending googly eyes towards each other. Next thing I knew we were in the back of the impala making out. Apparently his name was Cain. He started sucking on my neck as he pushed my leather jacket off. I pulled his top layers off, moaning when he bit me. Making marks all over my body. I remembered Cas and pulled away. "I - I can't do this.." I said through the high. My head was buzzing. "Oh c'mon, it'll be fun!" He pleaded. "We can smoke more pot afterwards, c'mon.." He continued. I gave in and we continued. "Oh god, Dean.." Was the last thing I heard before waking up at 6 in the morning with a complete stranger. Which happened to be naked and laying on top of me. Oh my fucking god. What did I just do?! No no no no. I sat up and he woke. "You gotta go. This was a mistake. Get off of me!" I practically yelled at him. When he got out and I got dressed I drove off. Half-way home I felt it hit me. One of the worst hangovers I've ever had. I started panicking. "I'm so fucking sorry, Cas." I yelled in my car. I cried a little from everything mixing together. This headache, what I've just done, Cas, this depression that overcame me two months ago. It's too much.

I got home and went into my room. I fell asleep and woke up around 3 in the afternoon. I took a long shower and went downstairs after getting dressed. My mom was in the kitchen. "Sit down, Dean." She said. So naturally, I did. "You know how I volunteer at the hospital all the time?" I nodded. "Well last night while I was there I got a patient in the emergency room. It was Castiel. He's dying, Dean. He's had massive blood loss. From excessive cuts everywhere. Up and down his legs and arms. Dean - " I was crying, getting worse with each sob. "No! This can't be happening!" I stood up and ran outside. I looked at the sky and started screaming at the top of my lungs, "Is this your idea of a fucking joke?! Some mighty and powerful God, huh!? Why don't you just fucking kill me instead?! That'd be more merciful than this you fucking bastard!!! This is YOUR fault! Your fucking fault!!" I collapsed on the ground and cried into my hands. My mom stood at the doorway watching me. She knew she couldn't help. "Dean, go. Go to the hospital. See him." She said. I wiped my eyes and stood up. I ran upstairs and got my things and rushed to the hospital. When I got there I ran through all the rooms looking for Cas until I found him. I stood in his doorway, "Cas..".