"Dont Half-Ass Two Things, Whole-ass One Thing" [|Random Book 1|]

Well goddamnit

Loki: You know, when Owynn comes over, Nekora can get a little...
Camile: Psycho?
Karl: Scary?
Vinnie: Drunk?
Loki: All three.

--
M: I'm an aggressive top. I have never once been submissive. One of the few things I can boast about. I have never even been submissive to a traffic signal.
Loki: You really should.
M: Never.

--
[At an awards show]
Red: Well, first of all, I'd like to thank Coraline, the love of my life, for telling me Four-Eyes was going to win so don't bother to prepare a speech.

--
Random person: Hey! Your shoelace is untied.
M: I'm aware. It's a choice.

--
M, opening the door to her hotel room to find Nix and M there: What are you guys doing here?
Nix: Hey, what's it look like we're doing?
M: Um, breaking into my room and watching "Days of Our Lives".
Loki: "Young and Restless".

--
Red, storming in: Your wife is bonkers!
Coraline: Yeah, but she's cute.

--
Owynn: So you just woke up this morning and decided to be straight up aggressive instead of the usual passive aggressive?
Nekora: I'm not being aggressive.
Camile: Hey, don't fight in front of the bacon.

--
Nix: An outsider might be tempted to say that it sucks to be me, but that's a common mistake.
Nix: It's AWESOME being me! What sucks is everything AROUND me!

--
M, being chased by a cop: What do you want from me? I've never broken any of your stupid laws.
M: ...In front of you.

--
Nix: I'm gonna be honest, here...
Loki: Is that wise?
Nix: No. But I'm gonna do it anyways.

--
Nix: I gotta look at the bright side. Maybe I'll still get kicked out of school.
M: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Nix: I was thinking about a more subtle approach like, excessively not studying.

--
Westly: My only talent is breathing.
Bluu: You have asthma, moron.

--
Loki: Hey, Owynn is here.
Nekora: OK, I'll call the exterminator.

--
M: Kids, if you find cocaine in your parents' dresser or drawer at home, snort as much as possible. It cannot hurt you.
Nix: Or...
Nix: Lace your blunt with it.
M: Either way, you're gonna have a good time. It's fun, and it's safe.
Blacky, wide-eyed: We're never trusting you two with kids

--
Nekora: I wish there were a better way to deal with Owynn.
Nix: There is, but we're both too pretty for jail.

--
Owynn: Hey, do you know the password to Nekora's computer?
Camile: Fuck you, Owynn.
Owynn: Hey!!
Camile: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouowynn".
Owynn: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

--
Nekora, walking in bloodied and bruised: ...Hey, guys.
Loki: Oh my God! What happened to you!?
Nekora, as Camile walks in: Camile misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.
Camile, in tears: I am so sorry. I thought it was tradition!

--
Blacky: So my mom asked me, "is your ex already seeing someone else?"
Blacky: AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ABOUT ME

--
Nix: It's weird to think I'm the kid other kid's parents warn them about.
M: I know, right. And I'm becoming the person our teachers always told us about when we were younger.
M: Irresponsible. Unemployed. Giving all my money to drugs.

--
Owynn: The only time you seem honest is when you're insulting someone!
Nekora: The only honest things I can say to you are insults.

--
"Do you ever feel... like an orange peel... in the ocean... wanting to die."
– Richie, probably

--
Nekora: You're on a date with someone when they refer to guacamole as avocado jelly. What do you do?
Nitsoku: Bash their brains in.
Alisia: Propose.
Loki: Bold of you to assume I'm on a date.

--
[at the New Year's eve party]
Celine, raising their glass: I would like to offer a toast.
Celine: I cannot believe already gone through another twelve months of absolute fuckery.
Cindy-Ray: Cheers, boys.

--
Red: Your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise.
Eleanor: FALSEHOOD!
[Red snaps twice]
Red: I stand corrected.
Coraline, wide-eyed: There's the one for today.

--
Owynn: [sniffing]
Owynn: Something's changed.
Camile: Oh, it's a new cologne. My hair stylist suggeste-
Owynn: No, not you! I know what you smell like.

--
Ember: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything that Westly does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?
Bluu: If Westly were to jump off a cliff, he would've done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Westly jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Ember: You jump off a cliff!
Bluu: Gladly. Provided Westly did first.

--
Loki: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?
Owynn: It isn't smirking at anyone, they're all just imagining it.
Nekora: Three of us saw it, Owynn. How do you explain that?
Owynn: [points at Camile] Sleep deprivation. [points at Alisia] Paranoid. [points at Lexi] Delusional personality disorder.

--
Nitsoku: I'm going to get soup.
Alisia: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.
Nitsoku, leaving the room: Pff. I'm not going to burn myself.
[30 seconds later]
Nitsoku, entering the room: I burned myself.

--

M: [arrives at their apartment, starts to go up to bed]
Nix: In the meantime, I'll await further instructions.[turns to monitor the street corner] Hmm...mm...
M: ...Hey, Nix?
Nix: Hm- Yeah?
M: Do-do you... Have a place? Where you go to sleep and everything?
Nix: I must!
M: You just don't remember where it might be?
Nix: A total blank!
M: ...Look, you could, uh, stay on my couch if you wanted... You know, just for tonight-
Nix: All right! [joins them going in the door]
M: But it's just a tonight thing-Nix: You betcha, I got it!
M: A very temporary invitation.
[And then Nix slept on M's couch for the rest of their lives]
--
Onnie: Marriage? I don't know, we still seem to be at the boyfriend-girlfriend stage.
Annabelle: WE FUCKED FOUR TIMES AND HAD A KID, ONNIE
--
Red: Well, if the first time I met you I said awful things, spilled stuff all over you, and acted like a first class nincompoop, what would you have done?
Coraline: Just what I did. Wait for my clothes to come back from the cleaners and then marry you.

--

Nekora: I'm surprised you didn't care about when I called my English teacher a dumbass.
Lailah: You know I wondered about that. I'll bite. Why?
Nekora: She was saying that phones make students dumb and do nothing but interrupt class. I, however, have been using mine to take notes and Google stuff. I raised my hand to try to debate this and she basically told me to shut up. We now can't get any makeup assignments if we're seen on our phones in class. When she told me to put my hand down I raised a finger instead.Lailah: Oooh.
--
Thank you for reading this
Why do I have 1000+ words in these??

Lailah belongs to @XxPotatoKweenxX