Breathe Me

Chapter 6

"So Louis, care to explain where you were last night?" My mum asks as I walk sleepily down the stairs. I blush as I make eye contact with her.

"I was with my friends." I stutter staying a light pink colour. I make my way to the cupboard and pull out a mug and make myself a cup of tea.

"Hm okay." She chuckles and walks back to her bedroom, leaving me alone in the kitchen with my thoughts.

Yesterday was actually a very good day. We all hung out in the living room and watched movies for the rest of the afternoon. I got to know the other boys and I'm starting to feel quite comfortable around them. But I still feel the most comfortable around Niall, considering me and him are becoming really good friends.

Then there's Harry. Sweet Harry. After our little scene in his bedroom, we went downstairs where the rest of the boys were. As the afternoon went by Harry kept getting closer and closer to me. But as soon as he moved too close and felt me tense up he moved away quickly, apologising profusely with a pink tint to his cheeks. I still can't get over that he blushed over me, even if it was a little bit. It still means so much to me. I smile broadly at the thought of him. I know I want to get to know him, and I know I feel safe around him.

But I just can't let go of my fear of being touched. I want and crave to be held tightly by an alpha. Be swept of my feet as he spins me around. I really want that to happen, but I know it never will. That's why I'm making the most of my time with Harry and the boys. I know eventually they will leave me, it happens all the time.

Nobody ever stays long enough, to get to know the real me. No one has ever broke through my facade. But that's not what terrifies me. What terrifies me is falling in love with Harry, then him leaving me. I don't think I can handle losing Harry. I know that will be the last straw for me.

I'm pulled out of my dark thoughts by Phoebe pulling my pyjama pants down.

"Hey phoeb, what do you want?" I ask smiling down at my little sister.

"Mummy was worried about you last night." She says eyes wide, filled with innocence. This made my heart stutter as a fluttery feeling erupted in my chest. She cares. She actually cares! I stoop down to my sister level and pull her into a hug, as tears brim my eyes. I peck her cheek and release her. I watch fondly as she scuttles away back to her bedroom.

I jump as my phone buzzes in my pyjama pants.

From Niall 11:43 am

Hey Lou, Harry & Liam have gone out, u wanna go shopping ?

To Niall 11:45 am

Yeah okay, pick me up in 20 minutes?

From Niall 11:46 am

Ok !! See ya soon !

I make my way back upstairs and grab my black skinny jeans and a green hoodie and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I bypass the mirror and turn the shower on. This time I don't dwell on the ugly scars or my fat tummy. I'm actually happy for once. I smile as I turn the shower off and put my clothes on. I dry my hair with a towel and shove a beanie on top of my messy hair. Oh well it will have to do.

I grab my phone and wallet and put them in my pockets, then leave my bedroom and head to the front door.

(Time skip to the shopping centre)

"Louis here try these on." Niall says shoving three pairs of skinny jeans in to my face, followed by 5 shirts as he pushes me in a changing room.

"Jesus Niall." I mutter to myself rubbing my arms subconsciously. I try on all 5 tops and only like one of them. Why did he have to pick up all of the tight ones?

I pull on the first pair of black skinny jeans and blush when I realise the reason why Niall chose them for me. They show the off the round of my bum, making it look ten times bigger than it already is. I pull them off and get changed again quickly, keeping the long blue button up and the pair of black skinny jeans. I walk out the changing room to see Niall leaning against the wall, patiently waiting for me.

"There you are Lou! You take forever." He chuckles as he pulls me towards the tills to pay. We spend about another hour walking aimlessly around the shops, laughing and joking around before Niall asks to stop for food.

"You can have some if you want but I've got to wait for my tea." I grin weakly at him, as I pat my fat tummy.

There's no way that I'm eating, especially not in front of him. It will just be his excuse to leave me and I don't want that. I've grown quite fond of him.

"You sure you don't want anything?" He asks putting a hand on my shoulder and staring at my face like he's studying me. No Louis. Not now you will not break now.

"Yeah I'm sure." I smile a little forcefully at him this time and I know I haven't fooled him but he nods and lets it go.

"Okay, will you go and save a table for us?" I mumble an okay and head for an empty table near the back of the food court. We sit there for half an hour while Niall munches on his cheeseburger and chips, before I need the toilet.

"I'm going to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute." He mumbles an okay with a mouthful of food, as I walk away grimacing. So many calories ew.

I do my business and leave the toilets only to be pushed against the wall. I hit my head and whimper as pain radiates across my head.

I open my eyes to see the same terrifying blue I saw not weeks before.

"Well hello Lewis." He spits out.