Finally Free

13

S O P H I A | audition anxiety

Seeing Carter like that wrenched a hole in my heart. The fact that he was still cracking jokes was kind of cute. No, he's still a jackass. I do feel bad for him though, I have sympathy, I'm not a sociopath.

We walk in silence to the nurse's office. "Are you going to say something?" I press, and he laughs, but quickly stops, a remorseful look on his face. "Look I'm so sorry for everything that went down at the party, and at your house." He says awkwardly. 

"We got off on the wrong foot and I just want to start over." He does sound genuinely sorry.

"What happened just brought up some shit. You scared me." I can't tell him the whole truth, no one can know. "I didn't mean to, I was really drunk and I know that's not an excuse just trust me when I tell you that I want to start over and maybe we can become friends." He rambles on as we reach the nurses office. 

The bell rings and Carter winces at the piercing sound. "I'll think about it." He looks satisfied with that answer.  

When I grab my phone and get ready to go to my next class Carter snatches it out of my hand. "Hey!"

He types a few things and then I realize, "That's my number, in case you get drunk and lonely one night and- OW." I lightly smack his arm so it doesn't hurt too much. I roll my eyes at his ego. "I'm kidding it's just so you know that I'm always here even if you hate me." He shoves a hand into his pocket, the other clutches his backpack. 

He eventually turns around and walks into the nurses office. 

That night I got a text from him.

Carter: Hey

Me: Hey, how'd it go with your family when they heard you were suspended?

Carter: Well my ma was scared and sad at first but then she was angry at me for getting into a fight, she's taking my phone in like 10 minutes

Me: Aw that sucks, but it's good she cares so much

Carter: Ya I guess. Anyway I got to go

Me: okay good night

He says good night and then I plop down on my bed feeling like I'm floating. We have somewhat of a mutual understanding of each other now, but we're not friends. 

Carter didn't show up the next three days, waiting out his suspension. I had time to prepare for auditions now, which is good. I spent all day practicing at home, and annoying the shit out of Paige and Liam.

On Thursday, I woke up excited. Really excited, but also absolutely terrified. I searched my closet for way too long and grabbed a pink short sleeved dress. It has white flowers on it and stops mid thigh. I put on my makeup but my hands are shaking so much I mess up my eyeliner twice. Not a good omen for today. I'm so on edge on these audition days and I tend to nervously fumble my way through the day. 

I also tend to act like a raging bitch all day. 

I curl my hair and tie half of it back with a white ribbon around it. I put on white sneakers and a white sweater. I skip dairy because it's bad for my voice. I brew some tea and grab a banana from the kitchen.

On the car ride to school I listen to the song I picked to sing a few more times. The intro fills my earbuds. I decided on The History of Wrong Guys from Kinky Boots.