Do You Believe In Aliens? [Kylo Ren x Reader]

08- Apologies

After waking, you continued to sit on the floor, not even sure you could stand. Your entire body was aching, and there was a sharp throbbing in your head, forcing your eyes half-shut with the pain. Everything went so wrong so quickly, a few days ago Kylo was being nice to you, he even acted as if he cared about you- but now? He had turned so quickly, but then again so had you, could you blame him? You had grown so angry at the revelation that he was in fact recruiting you, but you should have known provoking the evil murderer wouldn't end well.

Not that it mattered anyway, you had resolved to apologise when he next visited you; not because you felt bad, but because you wanted to be back on his good side- that and the floor was somehow more uncomfortable than your block of a bed. 

Even Hux didn't stop by like he usually did. Food was still delivered by a stormtrooper, but the General was nowhere to be seen. You thought he was probably busy, or Ren had warned him to stay away. You sat there, picking at your food, still not keen to eat it, but not reacting like you had before. You'd behave, even if you really didn't want to. Everyone in the First Order seemed to have more than just an ego, and by playing up to them you'd have the best chance of getting off this ship.

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Kylo Ren sat in his chambers, running his hands through his hair. He was stressed, and after a short visit to the ship's bridge where he wrecked some non-essential control panels, he had retired early to his chambers. The second the door shut behind him, he threw his mask into the nearest wall, causing a rather noticeable hole. He would have it fixed later, he thought, sat at his desk, pulling at the knots in his hair with calloused fingers. It wasn't easy, dealing with people, especially ones like you. 

You had been so well behaved, what went wrong? He couldn't find Hux anywhere, so he knew he had done something wrong. You'd said he told you everything, but that simply wasn't true; Hux didn't know everything about you, he barely knew the start of it. You were misinformed, believing that he was completely and utterly evil, even when Kylo himself knew he wasn't. 

Despite wanting to believe he was a monster like you had said, he could feel the conflict in himself, growing with every passing day. It had become all the more noticeable when you arrived, he couldn't kill you, couldn't find the ability to take your life. You were a setback, and his Master was right- you had fulfilled your use, you were expendable now. Even in your cell, where you misbehaved and refused to listen to him, he couldn't kill you. Lying there by his feet, mouth full of blood, your body curled up in a useless attempt at protection, he should've ended it all- but something stopped him. 

He sighed and tugged at the roots of his hair. He needed to stop this. 

You'd cried in front of him before, weak and pathetic like all of his prisoners, but in the cell you didn't. You were brave, even Hux wasn't that strong when Kylo was throwing him around. huh cried a lot, actually, an embarrassing amount, but you didn't. Why? Were you truly that courageous? Maybe he'd make a fighter out of you yet, that would be nice, then you'd be no different to everyone else and he could finally find it in him to kill you. He had to prove his commitment to the dark side, that meant not allowing little brats who threw their food to live.

~~~~~~~~

He decided to pay you a visit.

You had fallen asleep again after barely touching your food. When the door opened, you woke up, almost out of instinct. Seeing Kylo stood there, you panicked, quickly picking up your tray and forcing down as much food as possible in the hopes of pleasing him. It made you feel sick, and you couldn't force it down, pretty much throwing up all you had just eaten. It wasn't your intention, and you heard Kylo hum, almost disapprovingly.