Do You Believe In Aliens? [Kylo Ren x Reader]

11- The mask

You adjusted quickly to your new 'quarters', as both the Commander and Hux called them. You weren't given anything to do, quite honestly, and there was still limited freedoms, but at least you were allowed a bath. 

You would wake each morning to a tray of food on the kitchen counter, eat, dress and lounge around until the evenings when you could bathe and eat dinner in the comfort of the cotton pyjamas that filled the majority of the dresser in your bedroom. There were the occasional visits from Hux, Ren, or sometimes the mysterious Captain Phasma who would blind you with her polished armour as she tried to give you some basic understanding of how to fight.

Who knows why you needed to know how to fight, but somebody had decided that Phasma needed to shape you into some sort of soldier, not that you were much good at it. 

Mostly, Phasma would turn up, try and instruct you on one move or the next, you would try it out, fail miserably, and then proceed to stress out the Captain until she couldn't take it anymore. You were hopeless, but at least you managed to avoid actually having to fight anyone. It wasn't like anyone aboard the ship would have any reason to attack you.

Speaking of the ship, you were getting used to the lack of changes each day, the constant routine was one you felt no need to adjust, it was simple, easy, relaxing. Hux would take any requests you had and pass them through Kylo, who you realised quite quickly, rarely said no to you. Except from the time you requested a ship to escape with, of course. But usually, you got what you wanted, from body washes that smelt just like home, to more bouquets like the one that had come with your quarters. Kylo must have been stinking rich, or he at least had access to the First Order bank account. 

Kylo visited you sometimes, but not as frequently as Hux. He normally sent messages through the General, rather than delivering them himself. You didn't mind that too much, but you had grown to tolerate his presence somewhat, even if you still weren't completely comfortable staring into the empty abyss of his mask. Did he ever take it off? You asked Hux about it a lot, but he always refused to answer, any hints he gave were too vague to clearly paint a picture, and the stormtroopers that delivered your meals or requested items were too frightened of the Commander to indulge you. You felt out of the loop, even if you had been granted more luxury than most on board; you were lacking in knowledge of their world, how the systems worked, what names and faces were important. It was selfish of you to look past the gifts they had given you, but it was equally selfish of them to hold you so close to them but yet too far, almost dangling between friend and foe.

~~~~~~~~

The most exciting part of your day was when you would decide to take a walk around the ship. You knew it was called the Finalizer, but that felt too forbidding and evil on the tongue. The ship was much more generalised, and it felt more like a fantasy when you spared yourself of the very real details. You wandered down the identical corridors, coming to recognise them, not from appearance, but from the numbers on the doors. You still got lost a lot, and you realised maybe you should ask for a map, but you were always more caught up with asking for something else to remember. Instead, you walked almost blindly, up and down until you ran into a familiar face to escort you back to your quarters, or you found something interesting to look at. 

The most interesting place was by far the bridge. You didn't go there often, because Hux always glared at you as you stood there, gawking at space. After coming to terms with your new home, you had seen the beauty in it all. Just like before, when you would sit in your bedroom, gazing through the window. All those stars, blinking and sparkling. You were closer to them now, if the ship so much as drifted on a little further, you could reach out and touch them. It was glorious, and magnificent, yet something about it saddened you. You couldn't place it exactly, perhaps it was the sour memories, perhaps it was the fact you could no longer dream about what was right before you, but something about it was undeniably heartbreaking. 

Nobody else seemed to share your enthusiasm, probably because they were used to it, and they were never best pleased to see you on the bridge. Hux escpecially, he sighed when you arrived, and would tut at the handprints you left on the glass, pressed up against it as you looked out. 

"Don't touch anything," He says, pulling you away from a control panel. You smiled up at him, and for a moment, his sternest faltered, but not for long.

"I wish I could stay up here with you," You say, observing the next lot of switches and buttons, "Or do you think Kylo would build a window in my quarters?"

"It's Commander to you, and even if he did, you would only see the next room over."

You sighed, matching the half frustrated, half bored tone that Hux used. The General pinched the bridge of his nose and shooed you away, mumbling something about exploring elsewhere or bothering someone else. You listened, leaving the bridge and turning a corner into a section of the ship you had not yet scoured. 

It was lighter down that corridor, either because it was actually brighter, or you had imagined it, but it was certainly lighter. You heard the same click your shoes always made and looked down, staring at your own perplexed face in the reflection. Every time you explored somewhere new, you got the same bubbly feeling in your stomach, nerves rising with each step into the unknown. You could never shake the excitement as (to your equal parts amazement and despair) you noticed that the doors no longer had numbers. No numbers meant no way of navigating, and that was almost terrifying, but you ventured on. What rooms would require no numbers? They were either important or unfinished, but why would they fly an unfinished ship? You stopped walking to ponder it, when the whooshing noise of a door opening caught your attention.

"Y/N, what are you up to?"

"Commander Ren?" You stumbled back, just a little. He was stood there, looming, but his mask was not on. It was tucked under his arm, and his face was exposed.

You lowered your head, wanting desperately to look, but knowing better than to. He didn't speak, and that worried you. You had spotted the hilt of his sabre where it always was, and you waited for it's crackling- but it never came.

Kylo Ren was still silent.

You looked up, out of sheer curiosity, almost certain he would've killed you by now if he wanted to. Long, black, thick, hair caressed his face. His skin was pale in colour, but not as pasty as General Hux's. His features radiated warmth, and almost kindness. If he were as generous as his nose and his swirling amber eyes, he would certainly be the most generous man in the universe. For he was a man, you saw that clear as day. Something moved inside of you, as you took in his luminous, angular, radiant face, so silky and sullen and silent. His lips, which looked soft and were rosy in colour, didn't move. The only movement was the slight flare in his nostrils as he breathed, pace quicker than usual- nervous. Unsure. 

He was human. 

Bowing your head, you turned to leave. Your heart was racing, pounding, but you didn't think it was the possibility of punishment that beckoned it to move so quickly. If he was human, then he lacked the humanity he should have. He lacked everything bar the looks, and he had no excuse to be the way he was. If he had been some grotesque creature, maybe you could excuse it, chalk it up to being in his nature, but he was like you- and yet... He was still Kylo Ren. He had no reason to be himself. 

Kylo Ren still didn't talk, only replaced his mask and strode past you, not giving either of you time to acknowledge what had occurred. You were angry, disgusted, and mortified by your own liking of what you had seen. He was evil, and his human features exemplified that, his beauty only made it sting more, hurt more, tear you apart more than any other look would have. So glossy, and perfect- so hateful and cruel.

You collected yourself, deciding to think about this over a bath and a cup of tea- hot and sweet like you always had it when you were upset. The unmarked doors would have to be opened another day, a much more interesting door had been flung open right in your face, and you were impatient to go through.