Unexpected

FIFTY-SEVEN

Chapter Fifty-Seven
Scared

Today was not my day. My back hurt, my legs felt like they were cramping up every time I had to walk to the bathroom, and my stomach was hurting too. It felt like a lot of pressure but, it only lasted for a couple seconds and then went away, so I think its okay. But my back, god I was ready for these babies to be out of me.

I was also exhausted, I think it's because I only have three-ish more weeks until the babies are here. Dad thinks I should stop going to school now so that I can rest up before they get here, I think he's right. Which is why I'm with him right now, on our way to the school to sign my papers for my 'extended leave of absence.' 

My eyes were focused out the window, not paying any particular attention to my father beside me. My mind was focused on my due date, which was fast approaching, and everything I had to do before then. I had to put their things away and make their beds, the bassinet in mine and Scott's rooms needed to be set up for when we bring them home and for the first few weeks, and I still had to get a few things before they were here. 

"Victoria," my dad's voice broke through my thoughts. I brought my gaze to him, noting that we were in the school parking lot and he was staring at me with a worried gaze. I blinked a few times before responding, "sorry, what?"

He sighed, "I said, we're here. Are you okay?" I let out a breath, letting my shoulders sag. "I, no... I'm just so stressed out. I still have so much to do before the babies are here and I want to ask Scott for help, but I don't want to stress him out since you guys are dealing with all this... benefactor stuff.

"I'm so tired too, my feet and back are killing me, and these babies are going to be here soon and I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom. I mean, this is all happening so fast, I thought I had more time, I don't know what I'm doing... what if I fuck it all up or they hate me? God, I don't think I can do this--"

My words ran into one another in a catastrophic wreck, my breathing was no better. It was coming in pants and I could feel myself panicking at the thought of being a mother. My dad placed a firm hand on my shoulder, "Tori, take a deep breath. In.... out...." I followed his instructions, nodding while my hands gripped my stomach.

"Okay, good, a couple more...." After the sixth deep breath I felt better. My heart rate had slowed and my mind felt more clear. And with that clear head, I felt tears prick in my eyes, because everything I said was true. I was scared. 

My watered eyes found my dads and I felt my lip quiver as I spoke the next words, "daddy, I'm scared." In the next moment I felt myself break into full blown sobs, unable to control the sudden wave of emotions that overcame me. It was all so much, too much. 

I felt his arms wrap around me, it was an awkward angle since we were in the car, but I felt the love and comfort through his hold on me. He rubbed the back of my head with his thumb, the same way he used to when I was little and would scrape my knee and come crying to him. 

But this wasn't a scraped knee... this was two human beings, who were going to be here in less than 21 days. And I'm supposed to be responsible for their lives? I'm supposed to protect them from the world-- from the monsters around us? I'm barely old enough to have a say in my own life let alone guide two people through their lives... how am I supposed to do it? 

My father shushed me while placing a kiss to my temple every now and then, mumbling that it was going to be okay in my ear on repeat. It sounded like he believed it, I guess I just hope I'll be able to believe it too. At this point I have no choice but to do what needs to be done. No matter how scared or fearful I am, I have no choice but to do what I have to in order to be a good mother for these babies. I can't afford to fail at this. And that scares me more than anything.