Safety Net

6| all the reasons.

I was now driving to my apartment, fuming. It was hard enough getting that job, I have no idea how I'll get another one. As I made it to my complex, I sat in my car with my hands over my face. I'm really trying not to cry because I'm trying to be optimistic now.

After composing myself I got out to go inside. As I was walking up the stairs, I saw a red piece of piece of paper flying from it.

I internally screamed as I leaned against the wall. My day is getting worse by the minute and my life is slowly falling apart. I made the rest of the way up the stairs and jecked the piece of paper out of the door.

I walked the distance to the leasing office and went in. My landlord, Jeremy, is so weird. He's always trying to hit on me, even tho I've always made it clear I'm not interested.

Him and I came to agreement about me paying my rent and now I guess he changed his mind. I knocked on his office door and walked in after he approval.

"Saija! It's nice to see you babygirl." He said with a grin on his face and I looked at him with disgust, cringing at the name he called me.

"Jeremy, what is this?" I said holding up the paper. "I thought we had a agreement."

"Well I need money babygirl. You can pay right now.." He got up from his seat, "or you can do something for me." He came closer.

I slapped his hand away after he tried to caress my face. "You stupid little bitch." He said then roughly and tightly grabbed my hand. "Let me go weirdo." I said jecking my arm out of his grasp. I practically ran out of his office feeling sick to my stomach.

I started to get flashbacks of the past and the things the men in my life used to do to me. My first and only boyfriend abused me physically, emotionally, and emotionally. He piled on to the trauma I already had from my childhood.

Ever since then, I've always struggled with men being around me. I'm scared to get too emotionally attached to them because men have never done me any good.

That's why I shocked myself on how lenient and open I was with Meechie. It's like I could sense he was a nice guy and wouldn't hurt me. But then again, my intuition has never been the best.

I let him get close, but not to close. We would eat dinner together and talk around the house, but that was prettt much it. More than what I usually do.

He may not have hurt me himself, but the people around him didn't do me any good. *cough* Lahoe *cough*

Nonetheless, I have nothing against him. I probably won't ever see or hear from him again.

I went back to my apartment to grab the things that meant the most to me. Stuff from my friends of life that I want to have with me forever, since I may never get to see those people. It's both a blessing and a curse.

But now I'm starting to think that all of this was unnecessary. Running from my past didn't do the justice I thought it would. Sometimes I wish Summer didn't push me to leave it all behind.

Maybe she should've just let Seth kill me like he wanted to.

I went back to my car and just drove. I had nowhere to go. No one to run to. No destination.

꧁꧂

I sat in my car, contemplating. Do I really want to this? I thought as I tossed the razor back and forth between my hands.

I looked around the empty parking lot that sat in front of the levees that was near a gas station. No one was out here but me, but if I bled out in this car, someone would eventually find my body.

I took the blade and held it above my forearm. If I do this.. no one would care. I would probably be labeled as a Jane Doe, then eventually creamated because nobody came to identify me.

I chuckled as I wiped my tears. After that, they just kept pouring out. I've never felt this alone and hopeless in my life. I have nothing nor anyone to live for.

More tears fell as I pierced my skin horizontally. Blood immediately began gushing out and getting all over my pants. My cries were fueled by the excruciating pain of the cut and the pain I felt within myself.

Before I could make a second cut, my phone started to ring. I sat back as I tried to let it do it's thing, but it felt like my phone was going off for hours. I reached for it, and the last thing I saw before I passed out.

"Why you keep calling that girl phone?" Sani asked laughing as I texted Saija after she didn't answer the phone.

"Cause I feel bad for her, but I'ma just leave it alone till she respond. But you ready to go? Thie my first stop of the day, so you need to come on." I said as I grabbed my keys and walked out of my house.

Today was my first day back in business. I wanted to go check up on all the posts to make sure everything is running smoothly, and everybody is doing what they supposed to be doing.

Everything should be fine since Sani and a chance took over, but I still like to make sure. Something my father taught me before he died.

He died when I was 13 and left his drug empire to me and Sani, but since I'm older, I had to immediately drop everything and take over for my father.

My mother didn't care that I had to drop out of school and experience all of that at a young age. She encouraged the shit because she wanted to keep the lifestyle she was and still is living.

Me and Sani's first stop was this gas station that they just added to the stop list. I bought it so the owners can't complain about my boys being on the property. It was old and nobody goes there anymore, and the area it's in is good for business.

It was around 10 a.m. so no one was around. The gas station itself wasn't even open yet.

There was one car in the empty lot that looked like Saija's but I wasn't sure. "Who that?" I asked Sani before I went to check it out.

Sani shrugged so I went over to check it out. Saija was definitely in there but she was covered in blood and passed out in the seat.

Thoughts? 😟