My first times

My first time baking

2014. October 26.

I'm getting better.
I am better today at least. I've just cooked brownie succesfully and that's pretty cool. There are a lot of unwashed dishes unfurtunately. I made a big mess, haha. But I am so proud of myself, I've done something productive in the house!
   I am a big mess, though, not just the kitchen. I don't remember when was the last time I washed my hair. Or the last time I looked at myself in the mirror. The roumor about that vampires can't see themselves in the mirror is definately not true or at least doesn't apply to me. But here's a brownie that proves...
Don't know what exactly. And still this totally brightend up my mood. It feels that by steps I can recover. Elias would be proud, I hope.
I should cook everyday.
   Maybe I can admit something surprising. Actually I have never cooked alone before. There was no need to care about food because in high school we had lunch together and for dinner we ate snacks with the girls, giggling about stupid stuff. I was really a child back then. More then half of a year passed since. Probably I am just more mature, or more depressed to feel the same way. Who knows?
   At home when I was small kid, I cooked sometimes with Mom but I quit this habit of ours because I had better things to do. Camps, programmes with friends from my hometown or trainings. Summer was just as busy as the school year. How much I loved it. I can't imagine how I had so much energy and life in me. Death made me lazy, and sad. Always tired.  I am a so-called vampire but I feel it in my body there's another one who sucks out my soul or something. It sounds scary, uh.
   Anyway...while I was cooking this brownie I realised that I not only have never cooked before, but there are a bunch of things I am not familiar with. Things like sewing or washing. I could try to knit a scarfe for Priest Joseph for Christmas. It's already october, how crazy is that, right? Realising that I knew just a little fragment of life and it would have stayed the same if I hadn't died.
   Now my task is to observe, to notice every form of our lives and recognise it in myself. I could have missed so much. Little things but still. A damn brownie can make me proud and on the contrary in ballett school I was never satisfied with my achievments.
   Oh, Priest Joseph is coming! I can hear his steps on the stairs! I don't know why I'm so freaking excited, lol. Let's see if my brownie whether tastes good or not! Bye!