I stood up, his gaze wandered to me. His eyes shifted, and I could see his panic, the dissonance he felt, but I couldn't comprehend it.
- Kaz. Aaaare you...all..alrigwjkt?
- Hannah...why are you hurting this man?
- I dind't hurt him... He's fine.
- What are you talking about?
- He's gonna be fine. I've done this before.
- You did...what? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- It's just....
- There's fucking blood on the floor! Can't you see? What. Have. You. Done?!
- No-nothing...
He took a step back.
- You act crazy. Hannah, I...you're doubting my trust in you now, so please do something reasonable before I freak out.
- Whaat do-do you meaan? Biting people is reasonable for a vampire, isn't it?
His face completely changed. He froze, and the memories he hold were so visible that I felt I could see them too. The anger that was lurking in him, all the doubt and fear, the loss of me, because he saw the Hannah that never surfaced before. The Hannah I normally am could have seemed like a mask.
- You're a monster. - he said not even realising he had spoken.
- Mon...mon-monster? - I repeated and something moved in me too.
Monster....the terror in his eyes resembled my parents face when the pain entered my body and I was killed. Monster. This word. I touched my mouth. Blood. Monster. My brother.
Am I him?
Am I already him?
- You're fucking monster! - he cried.
I watched him. His face was a pure mirror of his emotions floating and raging.
- What have you done to him?! You maniac! You animal! What have you... You could have killed Elias! You...you're a killer... murderer. a monster that eats people! He was right! Elias was fucking right and I thouht I loved you? A souless freaking monster. You wanted to kill me too, huh? What were you waiting for? For this?! Get out of here! Get the fuck out of here! Of my God damn life! Get out! Don't you understand what that means?
- Stop it! - I screamed. I was so happy a minute ago, I was so happy. - Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
- No, YOU fucking stop!
Everything in my head was a mess. The blood, the pleasure I felt by hurting that man laying at the door, the joy that drove me away of my victim when I saw Kazimier and this deep sadness. This was too much for my fuzzy condition.
The next time he spoke up, his voice was low and brittle: Get the fuck out of here, I'm gonna call the ambulance.
He shut the door.
And I didn't see him since. It's been days. I tried to call him, and somehow explain this but deep down I know this can't be solved, explained or even forgiven. I crashed his childhood, I broke his heart and now he thinks a dying man let a monster in his life.
I wish nothing happened of this night. It's been days and I live now with Nora. But actually I just lay in my bed. This recording is the only thing I've done and matters for days. It's worse than after I was killed and I was mourning my family. There wasn't this amount of guilt involved.
Nora is too nice to me. Every time she tries to cheer me up my condition gets worse. I don't know anymore why I'm speaking out loud. Maybe just to hear my voice. I wish my brother knew where to find me.
He would end this.
What have I done?
Oh my God... what have I done?
YOU ARE READING
My first times
Vampire- So? - I whispered in his ears and I could smell his scent. - What? - Do you feel yourself in danger? - I don't see why should I - he said leaning even closer so that I could feel his breathe, moreover I could touch his pulsing vein, the life r...
