The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 72 - The Damages

Time was ticking.

I could hear a humming transit bus. I could hear party goers cackling. I could hear heels clicking and the ice cold breezing nipping at my cheeks as I leaned against the open window. I needed to be numb right now.

It was a blur. It was a petrifying, horrific blur. It made me feel sick.

When something bad happens, why is it so hard to forget but the good, wonderful memories with someone in the past seem to fade and become so difficult to remember clearly? I struggle to remember how my dad smelled, I struggle sometimes to remember the feel of his hands tossing me up and catching me but that night? It's one I'll never, ever forget.

*

"M-Mom," it came out a gasp.

"D-Dot," she dropped to her knees, her hand lurching to my forearm. The knife had fallen, having been shoved into her torso.

I just stood there, and it hit me all at once. She opened the door?

"No! No! I thought you were Zayn," I wailed, falling to the floor. "I thought you were him!"

"I.. I came to talk..." she choked, blood pooling around us. "Dot," she gasped and her arm shakily appeared, a letter in her hand. She shut her eyes and tears fell down her face, I was so incredibly frozen.

"Mom, mommy it's going to be fine, I promise." I held her torso over the wound, she shouted in terrible pain. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I gasped and ran for a phone, covered in her blood. I ran out and suddenly froze, seeing Zayn with a gunshot wound, seeing Harry's feet in the doorway to another.

The scent of blood was burning my throat.

I called an ambulance and I ran back to her, knotting my shirt around her waist. She didn't even cry out.

"Mom," I shook her face. "Mom, Mia Grace!" I screamed.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

I shook my head, my face incredibly drenched in tears. "I know, I know you are. You grew up, you grew out of it. I was just so angry, I was so mad at you and so, so mean."

"Don't be mean, you're too sweet." She said harshly. "Oh," she groaned.

I could hear sirens. "Those are for you, Mom, just hang on okay? You are going to be fine." My voice was so unstable, I could hardly understand it. "I thought you were Zayn, I thought he was going to kill me. I'm sorry, oh God I'm sorry," I shouted a bit, trying to stop the bleeding. Her blood was warm, and sticking, dripping between my fingers.

Have you ever felt the blood of your best friend?

"I'm not angry," she said quietly. "Not... in the least." She said harshly, her breath getting sporadic.

Why did it take something like this to make someone believe truly in a higher power? I didn't know who I was praying to, who I was begging; I just knew that I was.

"Dad, please, please keep her here. I know she was awful to you but you have more power than me. There is so much left, she's my mom. Please, I don't have anyone else." I cried out and cradled her head in my lap. I laid my forehead to hers, my entire body shaking. "I'm so sorry, Mom, no, no, no,"

I hadn't felt so alone in my entire life. I hadn't felt so wrong, so mistaken, so incredibly... so incredibly broken. I felt like there was nothing around me, I felt helpless and confused, I felt sick and so scared.

Suddenly someone pulled me away from her, the paramedics were swept in, and I was brought out.

I blinked and shook my head, breaking into reality. I realized I was back at home, I looked down, seeing my black shoes that lead to my black tights. My black dress was simple and it was comfortable, with my heavy black pea coat. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, not willing to put forth effort.