The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 32 - Night Out

It was overwhelming to kind of piece myself together. I was really trying to become this figure, this dark persona. It felt so unnatural. It was strange and abstract, that was the hardest part. It was hard too because I was so scared of becoming my mother. I was so scared of being some black hearted bitch to put it bluntly. It was a daunting and intimidating task to try to fill these ballet shoes.

"Harry," I breathed out as we made out in the viewing box at the company, where anyone could walk in. He said the thrill of getting caught excited me, and he was dead on. It was sexy but... here? He gripped my thighs through my tights, pulling at them. Thankfully the hickey marks faded away, he didn't even try to hide his. It was actually embarrassing, but he scolded me for thinking so. He said how we had every right to do what we wanted without shame.

My eyes rolled and I took a deep gulp of air. "We have to rehearse."

"Fuck that, you want this, don't you? You have years of pent up sexual aggression, find it."

"Not here, not at the Company,"

He stared down at me, his lips puffy from my biting them, his hair a mess, but pulled back in that ponytail.

"Fine," he got up and walked out. I sat up, taking a ragged breath. I knew I pissed him off, which I hated. I feel like Harry is the last person I wanted to anger. I followed out, but... Liam was there. He stared, just about to bring a water bottle to his lips.

"Are you serious?" he dropped his arms. "Come on!" he shouted.

"Li, calm down-"

"No, no fucking way," he shook his head, actually backing away from me. "You dump me, saying you need to focus on this ballet, but you're hooking up with that asshole who terrified you? Who made you feel like you would be dropped, who you hated? Are you serious?"

"It's not like we loved each other, it's not like we can honestly say we had this whole future ahead of us. Not only that but... but you don't even understand. I'm doing this for the role, I swear."

"I don't even want to hear it Odette, God," he shook his head. "I thought you were a smart girl, he's clearly trying to just get in your pants. Guys like that only want one thing, and you're falling for that, whatever," he stormed off, and I felt so, so awful. I didn't want to hurt Liam, not him. He was never anything but good to me.

I ended up going downstairs and rehearsing with Harry, still feeling that sexual tension. I was so tense if I was being honest, especially because Liam knew something.

"You seem off." Harry spoke, getting a drink of water after practice.

"Liam, he saw you come out of a room and he saw me leave... he knows."

"So?" he stared blankly, like it didn't matter.

"So? I know that hurts him, I broke up with him and now I'm hooking up with you. I feel awful."

His face was hard as he spoke. "Don't. Don't worry about anyone but yourself."

"No Harry, I don't want to be like that."

"Why? Why not? This is what you need to become. You need to be a stronger person, you need to be focused on you and getting your dream, don't you want that?"

"Of course I do... but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." My voice was weak, and I didn't understand why.

"Why not? Didn't you earn this? You already did hurt people's feelings; you stomp on them by being a Ricci and getting what you want."

"I-I..."

"It's the truth," he stared me down. "This is your time, this is your time to fill those ballet slippers and get what you want, when, fuck what everyone else has to say. This is all about you; this is about Odette Grace Ricci."