The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 25 - The Audition

"We need to talk."

"Oh fuck."

I walked into Liam's house the day before auditions. I did as Harry suggested, taking a more aggressive approach to the piece. I hadn't stopped pouring my heart into it. I needed to do this right, and if I wanted this role, I had to commit and be myself fully. It meant I had to make some changes, which is why I needed to talk to Liam.

"What?"

"I care about you, so much, you are my best friend."

His brown eyes were big and innocent, gazing right into mine. "Are you dumping me?"

There was a very tense, very long pause. I couldn't help it, but I felt the words climb slowly out of my mouth. "I have to."

He blinked, so confused. "Why?"

"Liam, I need this role, more than I need air. I need this for myself. I need to prove this to myself. You are so sweet," I held his face in my hand. "I love having you in my life but I need to focus on myself. I need to focus on changing who I am to fit the shoes of the Black Swan. I can't be this girl anymore."

"You cannot change who you are to become some character."

"I have to. I have to show myself I can do this. I need space, I am so sorry. You've been nothing but amazing to me, I know that. You have been a dream, you're supportive and so kind, you're a dream boy friend. I was so lucky to have you in that way but we can't be that way right now. Please, understand? You promised me we'd be friends."

He took a breath and rubbed his face. "I know how you've wanted this your whole life."

"I have, and I need to fight for it. I can't have a sweetheart always with me. I need to be raw; I need to be stronger, on my own."

"I understand," he rubbed up and down my leg, squeezing my thigh. "This sucks." he laughed sadly.

"I know," I whispered. "Do you hate me?"

"I couldn't hate you Dottie, I love having you in my life. I'm just taken by surprise, I wasn't expecting this at all."

"I'm sorry,"

"You have nothing to apologize for, if you're not in it, you're not in it." he drew a breath. "Friends," he kissed my lips. I smiled and laid on his shoulder, my head resting against it easily. "You're going to do amazing tomorrow."

"I hope so." I whispered.

I kissed him one more time and left, knowing it was needed. I was committed to this role and this role alone, nothing would throw me off. I went to the studio and danced for a few hours, till late. I knew I needed rest. I walked out of the studio, walking right past Harry, and then went home, trying to get a good night sleep for what would surely be the longest audition of my life.

Trying to sleep before such a major life event was pointless. Why did I even bother? I tossed and turned, watched the clock change and time bring me closer and closer to the biggest audition to date. My heart was so heavy it felt like it was going to make me collapse. I was awake when my alarm went off, watching it scream. I shut it off and stretched.

"Today's your day." I whispered, getting this show on the road.

I got dressed, wearing my favorite black leo. I thought if I looked good, I'd feel confident. I thought the black would help too. I was going head to head with Kayla; she was older than me, having years on me. I knew she was my biggest competition. I was also going right up against myself, competing against my nature, my sweet, simplistic technical nature. It was time to be strong, it was time to be raw and passionate.

"Good morning, hope you all had a restful night." Vincent spoke and I suppressed an eye roll. Who the hell slept? "I will be viewing the girls, guys, you head off with Johnson," the boys all left and it was just a few of us in the room, I was the youngest. I was trembling.

One at a time we went, and I was fucking last. He did that on purpose. I knew he did.

"Come on up Odette," he smiled at me; it was him and I now, because after the audition everyone would go home.

I smiled nervously and started doing my best White Queen. That I wasn't worried about, I could handle her.

"Now, Black Swan," he gave me a shaky smile, like he knew, I'd bomb. But he didn't know how hard I've been working, and how aggressive I was gunning for this.

With every move of my arm, every expression on my face and every point of my foot I tried to wow him. I tried to feel something more than just a pretty dancer. I wasn't going to give this up without a fight.

"Wow, Odette," he tilted his head as I panted, pouring my heart out there. "I'm surprised."

"I know I'm more good than bad," I caught my breath. "Give me a chance Vincent and I will be the best damn Black Swan you've ever seen."

"If I give you this it's a massive risk. Odette, that was great, but not even tipping the iceberg. I need more."

"You'll get it, I just need time."

"I'll consider you, I really will."

I nodded and left, wondering if he meant it. I got home and soaked my aching muscles in a cool bath, shaking a touch. I shut my eyes and hung my head, feeling like my life was just hanging in the balance.