The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 18 - Apologies

I felt as if my head was detached from my body.

I wasn't making sense of this, I was scattered, up and down. My mind was not processing the busy world around me and I began to feel jumbled in the big city of New York.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do or think or say. How could I bring that up? It had to be a lie. My mom adored my father. He loved her to pieces; she would never, ever step out. No, he was a fucking sick liar. They had such an amazing marriage; they knew each other six months but lasted years. That doesn't happen so easily, it takes real love to do that. I got my whole idea of a healthy marriage from them. No. It wasn't true.

I was so upset that I needed a drink, a lot of drinks. I called Liam and he agreed to throw a party last notice, we grabbed all our friends and we grabbed the best booze. He didn't mind, because I was kind of sloppy and making out with him. I didn't handle liquor very well, not by any means. I was a lightweight, completely and totally. The party was in full swing at his place, a bunch of people from Louis' school came, shouting, laughing, music filled the house. My heart sank when I saw Harry in the kitchen drinking a beer. I took a shot and got up, storming right in there and grabbed him by the wrist, yanking him into Liam's bedroom.

"She didn't do it. She would never, ever cheat on my dad. They loved each other, so much."

"Oh yeah they did." He rolled his eyes and drank.

"Don't joke!" I screamed, knocking the drink out of his hands. "This isn't funny. Why would you say that lie? Why would you ever say such a terrible, terrible thing? Are you crazy or just sick? "

"Louis invited me to get drunk, not to hear your whiny ass bitch." He started out the door but I slammed it shut over his shoulder. I ducked under his extended arm, leaning against the door. My heart was racing, and I could feel my eyes searching his frantically. They were empty and dark, the green looking very deep in the nearly pitch black room.

"My mom broke up your parents marriage?" he nodded, a hallow expression. "You said your dad was dead."

"My dad died when I was one. My step dad came in when I was three and he was the only man I ever had and your mother ruined it. She used him, broke up their marriage in the process and destroyed my mother."

"What did he have to give her, huh? How could she use him?"

"My stepdad was a director." He stared blankly. "Who the fuck do you think produced all those films of hers, that helped bathe her in limelight?"

"You really mean this?" He nodded his face... his face sad. I saw it; I saw the truth in his eyes. The way he looked... almost hurt, weak? I hadn't seen that before.

"Oh God I'm so sorry," I threw my arms around his neck and I cried. "I can't believe she would do such an awful thing," I hiccupped, the beer making me emotional. "I totally get why you'd hate me, I'm not like that, I swear, I swear Harry,"

"Y-You're seriously crying over this right now?" his body was so stiff, I rubbed up and down his back. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Comforting you," I leaned back, my face near his. "I am sorry that my mom hurt you. It's not right but please don't hate me. I hate that you hate me. It drives me crazy. I think we could be amazing partners Harry, please give me a chance." I wiped my eyes. "I am so hurt over the fact that she cheated on my dad, and broke your family up. It's so wrong. It's so fucked up"

"You don't know the half of what your mother did." He whispered.

"I don't want to know, I'm not even able to talk to her right now."

"You're really... you're crying."

"Well yeah?"

"Your mother was cold as ice, I figured you'd be."

"You're the cold one here, not me." He ran his fingertip down my face, down the streak of tears. He seemed so confused. "Do you think I'm a bad dancer?"

"A bad dancer?" I nodded. "Why?"

"You made it out to be that I only got here because I'm a Ricci, do you really think that?"

"Truth?" I nodded "I think you're one of the most beautiful ballerinas I've ever seen, dance wise." He added. "I think you're very talented."

"Then why did you have to kick me down right off the bat? Why can't... can we start over? Because I think we could do incredible things on that stage, just forgive me for what my mom did to your family." I hiccupped a bit. "Please?"

"I look at you and I see her face."

"You know her that well?" he nodded tightly. "I'm sorry," I fell into his chest, heartbroken. "She cheated on my dad."

"Fucking sucks doesn't it?" I nodded and wiped my eyes on his shirt. Wow, he smelled so amazing.

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm so sorry, I can't say it enough. It's not my fault," I stared up at him. "We were both... we had to have been around each other but I don't remember you at all."

"I remember you." he said softly.

"Really?" I gaped. He nodded. "Weird," I breathed out. "I just remember always traveling with my mom, even after she retired from dancing to tour theaters, speaking, for me to dance and compete and study."

"I was in the back with my mother watching her sew."

"So we... we traveled all around together but we never crossed paths? Fucking weirder." He nodded. "I am still so sorry Harry; I don't even know what to say. I'm falling apart inside knowing she cheated on my dad. I thought they had the best relationship in the world. I thought she was perfect."

"Looks can be deceiving."

"Clearly," I wiped my watery eyes.

"Stop crying," he whispered.

"Are you being nice now?"

"I can try."

"You really thought I'd be like her? Clearly she sounds like someone I don't even know; I have no idea what she was capable of."

"I expected the apple doesn't' fall far from the tree type deal."

"If my mom hadn't fucked up your life, would you have liked me?"

"I hate most people Odette. I think I would have been able to tolerate you."

"Can't we try to get to that?"

"I..."

"I mean it," I stared in his eyes. "I am so sorry.'

"Really?"

"Why are you surprised?"

"It's not surprise it's just...' his breath fanned my face as he let it go heavily. It was a mix of beer and some kind of mint. He opened his eyes, they were a bit pained. "I've waited my whole life to hear a sincere apology from a Ricci."

"You got it. I mean it, I mean it wholeheartedly."

He kept staring at me for some time. "I don't know if that's enough for me." There was this tense silence, and I had no idea what that meant. "Thank you Odette, I need to go, clear my head," I nodded and slid out from under his arms, he opened the door and walked out. I curled up into bed, feeling my heart ache.

"Hey, there you are Dot," Liam crawled in beside me, kissing my cheek.

"You'd never cheat on me, right?"

"Of course not, I'd never do that. Why?" I shook my head and buried my face into his chest, crying. "What's wrong, Odette, talk to me here, what's going on?"

"Nothing, my family, nothing. I'm a weepy drunk today."

He just rubbed up and down my back and comforted me. I was overwhelmed by absolutely everything. I always, always idolized my mom. I grew up watching her dance, I grew up thinking she was the most perfect woman, fantastic, a good mother, loyal loving wife, but it was a sham.

Who the hell was Mia Grace Ricci?