Falling for you

It's done

Emily:
So far, not really as good as I hoped. Alison has been gone for a month and even though I told myself that time would be better for things, it only seemed to strengthen my feelings for her and weaken my feelings for Paige.

Speaking of Paige, she's been super clingy lately and super jealous. It's gotten to the point where I can't even look at another girl without her getting angry and possessive. If I tell her I need space she gets angry, if I tell her that I haven't seen enough of her, she gets angry. What am I supposed to do??

As if right on cue, Paige texted me.
Paige:
We need to talk. Be over soon. Love you.

Me:
Okay. I'll leave my window open. Love you too.

My mind wandered to everything that Paige could be needing to talk to me about but I didn't want to stress about it so I just waited and painted my nails.

After a little while, my window to my bedroom opened and I jumped a little.

"Hey." Paige greeted me with a kiss which was a good sign.

"Hey babe." I forced myself to say even though lately I'd been thinking about ending it with Paige.

"So..."Paige trailed off looking nervous.

"So...?" I waited and she sat down next to me.

"Ali's coming back." Her words came out jumbled but I understood every single word she said. My heart started beating furiously and then I realized she hadn't tried to make any contact with me at all and my heart felt like it had broken into a million little pieces.

"Oh." Was all I said even though it felt like my soul had been ripped out of my chest.

"Look, I know that you guys were really close and everything but think of how she left you all by yourself and I had to pick up all the pieces. I just want you to be careful if you guys decide to talk again." Paige informed me.

"Decide to talk again? Of course we will, she didn't run away because of me, she ran away because of stress. This has nothing to do with me-"I started to say.

"Well I know she was your first love and you know that you never get over that. I know that because I love you Emily and you're my first love." Paige interrupted me, her voice breaking as she looked into my eyes.

"Are you saying that you think that I'd ditch you for Alison?" I mean, I would but still.

"I'm saying that if you still love Alison, we have to be done." She said simply, avoiding my eyes because I think she knew the answer.

"I-I-" I stammered knowing that I couldn't say that I didn't love Alison.

"I got it." Paige snapped, "I mean, after everything we've been through and you just leave me for someone who might not feel the same way about you."

"Paige stop, you were the one who told me that if I still love Alison then we were done." I retorted.

"Yes, because we can't keep pretending. I can't keep acting like I don't know that you don't love her and that every time we kiss you think of her. I can't keep being the second choice." Paige cried out.

"You're right." I replied swallowing the lump in my throat, "I don't want to lose you Paige. I do love you but I don't know if I can keep doing this to you, I think we've always just been friends all along."

"Yeah okay." She crossed her arms and I went to hug her, "stop please."

"Paige-" I bit my lip.

"I have to go." Paige looked me in the eyes, I could see the hurt deep inside and I felt like a horrible person for doing this to her.

"Kiss me goodbye." I insisted, "Paige-I love you and I'm sorry I can't love you the same way you love me."

"I can't. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep blaming myself and wondering why I could never be good enough for you." Paige's tears poured out of her eyes and all the memories of us came flooding to my head.

"Paige, don't blame yourself for this. I can't help it if I love her but I know that she makes me happy and you make me happy in a different way but I need her right now." I hated the words that were coming out of my mouth because I could only see that I was hurting her even more.

"Yeah." She said as she moved to climb out my window, "you know, I didn't come here to break up with you but as soon as I saw your face when I told you the news that I had to."

I felt the tears sliding down my face and I watched her leave me. But who knew that with a break-up there came a lot of peace along with the hurt. Now I could finally be with who I wanted to be with, but what if she didn't feel the same?