Fools Fall

26- Noah

Noah

Being hungover and arguing with my boyfriend was not how I wanted to spend my Saturday morning, the day after my birthday and my mother returning. Yet, there I was arguing and rolling my eyes as Sam spoke with sarcasm, "Really? For art class you had to draw Jude shirtless?"

"Sam." I wanted to pull my hair out because I felt like we were always having this conversation. "Fuck. It's just a-" I stopped mid-sentence when I noticed a small, squared yellow note attached to the countertop. I picked it up and there was seven digits written down. A phone number. "What is this?" I asked, narrowed eyes aimed at Sam because I had an intense suspicion that I wasn't going to like the answer.

Sam sighed and took a step towards me, "After you left, your mom came back and..." Sam stepped around me and I followed his movements as he grabbed an envelope I hadn't noticed before. He handed it to me, "She gave this to me to give to you. And then she asked if she could write down her number just in case-"

"In case of what?" I snapped, I was towering over Sam as I stood in front of him and refused to grab the envelope.

Something that Sam never did was back down from me, so with his head held high and tilted up to look at me, he said "To contact her. I'm not saying you should forgive her, but this is your chance to get closure."

I shook my head, muttering, "You're un-fucking-believable. You really talked to her after everything," I scoffed.

But Sam ignored me, "For years you blamed yourself for her leaving, let your father abuse you-"

My jaw was clenched and I gritted my teeth, "Stop talking, Sam, I swear to fucking God-"

But he didn't, "As if it was your punishment for making your mom leave when it wasn't your fault," Sam pushed on, seemingly not caring about me shaking from how angry I was.

I nudged past him to walk into the living room. I couldn't sit still, I was pacing with fury and confusion. My head felt dizzy from the strong emotions taking over like an extraterrestrial invading my body, leaving me ungovernable. For half a year I've been fighting my anger and I've learned some techniques. Like going for walks and taking deep breaths and trying to think logically. It didn't always help.

Especially with Sam not budging, "Now you can get the answers you need. I'm not saying right now, but at least you-"

"Please, Sam," I spoke in a strained, but calm tone even though my words contradicted my arduous calmness, "I'm trying really fucking hard not punch a fucking wall right now, so could you please shut the fuck up?" I felt like I was going to explode, snap at the next word to come out of Sam's mouth, I just wanted silence. A moment to fucking think.

"Okay," Sam stepped close to me, running his hands down my arms then back up, "I'm sorry, it's not my intention to make you angry-" but Sam's words were cut off when my phone rang.

Sam dropped his hands from me, so I could fish my phone out of my pocket. "Jude," I said mainly to myself. "Fuck, I completely stood them up yesterday."

"So what?" Sam questioned, looking annoyed and as though I was ridiculous for being concerned about my friends.

"So, I blew them off." The 'duh' was implied in my tone.

I made a move to answer my call, bringing my phone up and ready to slide my thumb over the green icon when Sam spoke, "Don't you dare answer that phone call."

"Excuse me?" Both of our words were threatening and vile.

"We're in the middle of a conversation, Noah. An important conversation, but go ahead," he said daring me, "Answer Jude as he is always far more important."

I scoffed, but put my phone down. "You're joking, right? God, you can't get passed your own self-sabotaging jealousy."

"Because all I ever hear you talk about now is Jude!" Sam yelled, "How do you think that makes me feel?"

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, it's your fucking jealousy."

"You think I want to feel like this? I hate the disgusting feeling I get in my stomach when you leave to go hangout with your friends 'cause I know he'll be there and it bothers me. I'm sorry, I hate it, I just-" Sam clenched a hand in his hair and held back tears as he blinked a few times before continuing, "I just can't help it. I feel like I'm going insane and when you take his side it makes me feel like shit!"

"I'm not taking his side, there aren't any sides to take! You're overreacting!"

"Oh, wow, so my feelings don't even matter?" I rolled my eyes at him, "Good job gaslighting me," he spoke matter-of-factly.

"Holy shit, Sam, that's not what I said. Of course your feelings matter, but this is what you do; you get all in your head and now I'm the fucking bad guy because you're insecure."

"Fuck you!" Sam yelled at me with tears streaming down his face.

"Yeah, fuck you too and fuck this. You can get your things and get the fuck out," my words were sharp and demanding nothing less.

"Why? Because the second anything gets too hard for you, you have to push me away? You're a fucking coward, Noah." I didn't say anything. Just stood there, fuming and not looking at Sam. "So that's it?" Sam asked. "We're done?"

I turned around because I couldn't look at him or I'd change my mind. Shaking my head, I walked away and to my bedroom, "You can get your shit next weekend," and I slammed my bedroom door shut.

**

What do y'all think? I think the fools are beginning to fall... eh? Eh? Get it? Fools Fall ;)

Thank you for reading!!

-Xoxo, Bert