♤ You left like I was never a reason for you too stay... ♤
Love what is it really? A word I only dreament I knew the meaning of, better yet a word I never truly understood.
It's a trivial thing something everybody hopes to experience or find one day, though for me love was just a four letter word that held no real meaning too it.
Too most love is a overwhelming sense of safety you feel when your around people that mean alot to you. To feel a warm fluttering feeling rolling in your stomach while your cheeks turn blush pink, or evens getting a small peck on the side of your cheek that makes you burst into a warm genuine smile, but how would I know what any of this means if I've never felt it before .
Love was an unspoken word something I've never heard said to me, A simple saying that's practically been etched from my vocabulary.
The simplicity of an "I love you" was something so unknown and unfamiliar I didn't evens know how to say it to someone, I didn't know how it felt to be told the small insignificant sentence that others get told on a daily bases.
I simply didn't know what it felt like to be loved so how am I supposed to love?
It was a nonexistent thing in my life that at some point I stopped evens caring to figure out the meaning of it by myself though that was till I meet him... Then I finally felt that feeling of being loved by another or atleast I thought I did.
He smothered me in nothing but unconditionally love always easing my running thoughts with a simple kiss. He had always made sure to say the right things in the right way to make any girl feel on top of the world.
He was perfect— to perfect....
But it was all sugar-coated by lies and deception. It was never real, it was induced by the amount of drugs he'd been smoking, coverd up his strenuous addiction by strings of compliments and rows of kisses.
I was the love of his life— the apple of his eye, I was the sun whilst he was the moon.
I was his everything... he spewed out on a never ending beat so I could believe him, yet I felt like nothing to him.
I was his sun but it felt like he was stealing all my light.
What I thought was love created by the image of him was really incentive for me to turn a blind eye on his addiction that ended up hurting the both of us, and believed I was finally loved, inlove.
I thought I learned the meaning of how to love because of him. But instead I learned how to never trust anybody with your heart.
Our relationship wasn't built of complete trust and reliance on each other but rather deceit and continuous lies. Unspoken secrets that lead to the downfall of a practically nonexistent couple .
Xavier was the only thing I ever really had. He was the only person in my life to ever show me a ounce of care. He taught me what love is evens if it was fake.
He was my Xav
But like everything in my life I lost him too evens of it was for the better but what the point of crying over someone that wasn't evens worth having evens if it is all you had...
・❥・
18 march 2015
7 years ago
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𝐀𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐨 𝐀𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐚
General Fiction"My wings are broken. My halos cracked. The angels long dead. I'm a lost soul waiting to die out" (Loving Athena) After the abrupt and unexpected kidnapping of the Italian mafia princess Athena Armani, how is it evens possible for the Armani men to...
