Hourglass

VIII

[Lan Xichen's POV]

"Protect your young brother, A-Huan..."

The frantic cries inside the orchid room broke the serene silence of the night. I stared blankly at my brother's figure who smiled as he turned his head to the door. It was a content smile of a dying man.

There I saw A-Yuan's pale face. His grip on his guqin loosens letting it fall to the ground. He stepped slowly, approaching Wangji's direction. He knelt down and cradled Wangji's head to his lap.

I watched how Wangji stared blankly at his son. His hand reached to pat his cheeks, his eyes losing their color but his face with a soft smile.

Father did his best to keep him alive. I hastily called for the medic. Wangji... My little Wangji... All fed up.

"Don't go..." I heard A-Yuan's pleading voice, "don't go..."

Wangji gave him a small smile and muttered a few words but no voice came out. A-Yuan did not smile nor express anything, but continued to stroke Wangji's cheeks, "don't go.."

I heard young master Jin call for a Jin disciple who came with them and ordered Wen Qing.

The medics did everything they could until Miss Wen arrived. We moved left and right. Calls were made and movements followed. But one thing I am sure, that those assurances were not meant for us.

It was for A-Yuan.

Although it's been thirteen years later, I still think about Wangji and why he treated me this way. I could always read him, and tell his thoughts, but it ended thirteen years ago. I tried as much as I could to save what little trust he had, but it came to an end. I strongly felt bad about it, but there was also some relief in how I felt and I didn't know why.

Everything between us ended that night he return from A-Xian's funeral. He was drunk, cried stricken, he kept crying and trashing everything he sees. I tried to stop him, and calm him down, but he only berate me.

The next thing I knew I can no longer understand him.

I clearly remember the words he throws at me. I can feel the sadness and pain in his every word.

'are you happy?' his mocking words stabbed right through me.

'I have to shoulder the responsibility you should have...'.

He cried like a dying animal with his howls.

'you're allowed to be with the person you love while I can't?'

To imagine myself standing there on the edge, imagine if I was in his position. Imagine where I would hold my love in my arms soaked with his own blood or imagine if all the light in my life vanished and was consumed by darkness.

I can't.

I won't be able to take it.

I watched my brother cry himself, brand himself with the same mark that person has. Faced the discipline whip with his unwavering resolve not to be controlled again by these hypocrites.

The next thing that happened.

Lan Wangji never called me his brother.

He never addressed us with the same familiarity he had years ago. He had never called us with warmth, it was cold and even gotten colder. He had never called us with respect as he did before.

His eyes were full of disdain and hatred. He would stare at us like hypocritical bastards hiding behind a mask. Wangji has viewed him as...

As his enemy.