mutuality | wroetoshaw

thirty two

I wake up in his bed, alone. I know I'm alone because I've already tried reaching out for him, to pull him in, but he wasn't there.

I also tried calling his name, to see if that would work, but he wasn't in the room anymore.

Now that I open my eyes, the room is still dark, although there is a little light trying to escape from behind the curtains.

I turn my phone on to see the time, and it reads twelve past ten. It's late for me, considering my work schedule and how early I've been getting up for the last couple of months.

On my phone screen there is a very long list of notifications, and it's now that I finally remember today is my twenty third birthday.

"Well shit," I laugh to myself, unlocking my phone and clicking on Charlotte's name first. It's a yearly tradition that Eliza calls to sing happy birthday to me, and God forbid I forget this year.

Charlotte answers the call pretty much straight away, but it's not her on the phone. It's Eliza.

"Well good morning beautiful lady," I say sweetly, not sure if she can see me, so I turn the light on.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday Auntie Matilda! Happy birthday to you," she sings — very off tune but it's her so it's illegally adorable regardless.

"Thank you very much, Eliza. I miss you," I tell her, and she breaks out into a cute giggle.

"Me and Mummy and Daddy miss you lots and lots like jelly tots," she says, once again making my heart swell.

"Love you, little bug. Can you pass me to Mummy?" I ask, and the phone switches to Charlotte.

"Happy birthday Tilda," she says, smiling into the camera. "You'll get our present soon, hopefully. Card, too. Got any plans for the day?"

"Thank you! And not sure. Literally only just woke up, I think Harry turned my alarm off," I say, then cover my mouth because I'd completely forgotten I hadn't told any of my family about him.

"Why would Harry have turned your alarm -" she starts, then her eyes bulge and she claps her hand over her own mouth. "I knew it! I literally knew it!" She laughs, and I groan, because this is so not the way I wanted to tell her.

"Yes, yes, okay. I was dumb and oblivious, I know, yes. We will have a proper catch up about all of this soon, I promise," I tell her, and she looks delighted about that.

"I'm sure we will. Anyway...you were saying about your plans?"

And so I tell her. "I haven't actually been told any details, but I reckon he's planned a meal with our friends. I have no idea what else, if anything, but I told him not to worry about it. He's literally treated me so much already, I feel bad just thinking about him spoiling me anymore," I tell her truthfully.

"Matilda, it's your special day. Plus, I'm sure if he didn't want to, he wouldn't. He obviously loves and cares for you so much, even we could see it at Christmas. And that was when you two weren't even together."

She's beginning to sound like Kirsty, honestly.

"Yes, yeah, I know. Anyway. I love you, but I should probably get up. We'll have a catch up soon, I promise...I'll send over my calendar, see if we both have some time free. I can come home for a bit, or you guys could come up here," I suggest, and she looks really happy at the suggestion.

"I'd love that. Have the best birthday ever, beautiful. You're growing up," she says, looking at me proudly over the phone, despite me looking half awake, still in bed.